But who can resist the timeless tale of launching a formerly Earthbound species into space for the very first time? Especially when that species is shaped like a speeding bullet, packaged like a party favor and purposed with providing us endless pleasures.
The millionaire behind the Los Angeles website, who actually calls himself SexToy Dave, makes the argument that...
... he's "always been into firsts and that is how I made my money." Bla bla bla:
"I was one of the first on the web selling sex toys, first to have an adult affiliate program, the first to make three appearances on Bravo's hit show Millionaire Matchmaker and now the first online adult business with a space program."
Not sure how proving your best-selling vibrator can survive altitudes of 100,000 feet, armed with only a big solar-powered helium balloon and a GPS tracker, will prove nearly as lucrative as Internet sexiness or reality TV. But we're not the entrepreneurs here.
Who knows -- maybe the most X-tremely outdoorsy ladies among us will derive some extra pleasures from knowing their sex toys are more likely to survive their climb up Mt. Everest than they are. And in worst-case, "27 Hours" scenario, at least they'll know they're not alone.
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The rest of us can watch the whole thing go down on the company's blog, as an HD video camera will be accompanying the little astronaut that could. (Aka, worst porn ever.) The bullet's ballsy mission, via press release:
The toy will have to withstand temperatures of -75 degrees Fahrenheit and conditions 10 times over normal cosmic radiation. The vibrator will be fully exposed to the elements, reach an altitude of 100,000 feet (~20miles) above the Earth's atmosphere, which is three times the cruising altitude of a typical jet plane.
We'd like to see man's best friend come out of that one alive.