Sam PhillipsThe female cameltoe has become a much scrutinized and talked about cultural icon, popular among the exercise set, Wal-Mart shoppers and Coco, wife of Law and Order: SVU star, Ice-T.
My connection? I can remember vividly as a teenager, my mother cutting my too-tight jeans off my skinny frame and screaming at me, “Your crotch lips are showing!” in front of my horrified cousin and friends.
It took us half an hour to squeeze me into my Jordache's, and only seconds for that nut to free me from them with a set of fabric scissors. I lost my favorite pair of pants, and my pride that night, but I learned a valuable lesson in return… cameltoe is a no-no.
Then why do so many women sport it? And where does it come from?
In case you missed anatomy class back in the day: The mons pubis (means pubic mound) is the adipose tissue that lays above the female pubic bone, that forms the anterior of the vulva.
The crease beneath the fleece.
This fatty tissue divides into the outer labia majora (larger lips) on either side of the pudendal cleft that surrounds the smaller labia, clitoris and vaginal opening. It's size is affected by estrogen levels and body fat, and protrudes with puberty and the on-set of hair growth.
And get this — The mons main job is to protect the pubic bone while boning.
So, why trash the toe, haters?
If all of us chick's have one… and bigger means better 'cushion for the pushin,' what's everyone's beef with having curtains?
There are two schools of thought. The most popular theory is that wearing ill-fitting and poorly designed clothes causes the dreaded cloven hoof to happen. That translates as (for the offenders reading this); your fat pussy is trying to squeeze into a pair of pants/shorts/leggings/undies/bikini bottoms that are a few sizes too small for you.
Then, there are the labial enthusiasts; people who celebrate the cooch-pooch, that create and post on dedicated message boards and discussion forums about it, worldwide. They're called guys. And they love knowing upfront what they're getting themselves into. Literally.
I decided to take a poll of 10 of my friends, five males, five females, to see which side of the seam they fell on, and if gender had anything to do with it:
Cameltoe — Yes or No?
Boys love the beaver cleavage!
Ron, Sales, Santa Ana, CA: “I realize this is superficial, but not all cameltoes are created equal. If it's caused by clothing not being the correct size, that's not so attractive. That being said, when the “forbidden fruit” (pun intended) makes an appearance because of tight clothing that's supposed to be tight, such as leggings, tights, bathing suits, etc., then it's appealing on a prurient level. I'm not opposed to that.”
Jack, Marketing Director, Tacoma, WA: “You cannot keep from staring at the foot of the camel!!! However, like cleavage, it produces lust in mortal man. We have thoughts like, “she knows what she's doing!” So, in one respect it screams: ATTENTION HOE!!! And then again, the allure is so enticing. Sad as this is to admit, and at the risk of appearing shallow, more often than not, it depends on the rest of the woman's body. My duplicity is, if it's there I'm looking, but if it's my daughter, I'm saying: “Change your damn clothes, NOW!!!”
Nick, Head Writer/TV, Los Angeles, CA: “Cameltoes are fine as long as you get a pedicure.”
Michael, Erotic Photographer, Tucson, AZ: “I personally love cameltoes in a g-string… some thongs if I want a subtle protruding, but definitely not in yoga pants or spandex pajama material, that's just disturbing… then again I like daisy duke or short shorts cameltoes.”
Jet, Hotel Clerk, Bellingham, WA: “I think it's very flattering for a lady to show the outline of her vagina, cameltoe or not.”
Durga, Singer/Songwriter, Los Angeles, CA: “It can be uncomfortable. And I never do it intentionally. Is it sexy? Maybe to a guy, but not to me. Just looks like a front wedgie. Let's put it this way – if the chick is hot, it can be sexy. And yes, Coco is SMOKIN'. But if you see a cameltoe on a 300 lb. chick strolling out of KFC with a bucket of chicken under her arm, not so much.”
Brandi, Artist Relations, Queens, NY: “Only hoes do the cameltoe! Or just people who aren't conscious of their appearance. Lol. I always do a 'spot check' if my pants are tight. Make sure they're pulled down enough to where the dreaded CT doesn't happen!”
Erica, Boutique Owner, Los Angeles, CA: “Nobody I know would want cameltoe… In 15 years of working retail, I've never heard one woman say she WANTS cameltoe. But Coco has used it well to build a cottage industry. She has successfully turned her cameltoe into celebrity.”
Charity, Research Specialist, Seattle, WA: “It is very unflattering to show off your meat curtains. I always just assume that those who do it do it because they don't have any other clothing that fits.”
Monica, New Mom, West Palm Beach, FLA: “Its better to leave a little to the imagination!!”
As I suspected: Chicks look down on the toe on one of their own, and view it as an unforgivable fashion faux pas, unless of course you're Coco. Guys see it as a primal and basic call to action, a neon sign screaming at them, “Open for business.”
And then there's me.
Despite my mothers best efforts back in the day, I was still destined to show the world my crotch lips.
Sorry, mom!
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