L.A. Weekly{mosimage}
“There is something uneasy in the Los Angeles air,” Joan Didion wrote about the Santa Ana winds that blow through our flammable canyons. To imagine Los Angeles is to imagine its demise, by fire, by earthquake or by flood, by millenialist uprising or by alien attack, by anarchy or by corporatist takeover. Impermanence is written on our greatest buildings, which allow the outside in like sovereigns submitting to their occupiers, and most of our oldest structures, the souvenirs of ancient Spanish rule, have at one time or another been reduced to low piles of stones before they are rebuilt. Some of us have earthquake kits in our basements, essential papers packed into fireproof boxes, and contingency plans for our grandparents’ frozen heads. Some of us plan to party like it’s 2099. And then there’s the matter of the last day of the Last Days.
Or as the wise sages of Def Leppard once posited: “Armageddon it! . . . Oh, are you getting it?”
Game Over By GENDY ALIMURUNG
Quakes, asteroids, mass extinction — when the end comes, will it come from below, above or within?
(Illustrations by Peter Horvath, 3D lettering by Daniel Couto)
Best Place to Sing Karaoke and Pick Up Chicks With Mr. Belding By MATTHEW FLEISCHER
Dimples
Life in the Last Lane
By LIBBY MOLYNEAUX
From Zero to 80 in 24 hours
Most Fabulous Dance Club Masquerading as a Tough-Guy Dive By MATTHEW FLEISCHER
The Study
Best Cocktail Dip By SOPHIA KERCHER
Rooftop Bar at the Standard Downtown
Best Spinning Top By DANIEL HERNANDEZ
Bona Vista Lounge at the Bonaventure
Best Rapture
By DANI KATZ
Babeland Sex Shoppe
Best Place to Get Your Smooch On By SOPHIA KERCHER
Echo Park Lake
Why Don't We Do It in the Dirt?
By RENA KONSETT
Top 10 e-mail responses to the question, “Where would you have your last lay in apocalyptic L.A.?”
Best Way to Get Ripped By JUDITH LEWIS
Get Waxed!
Best Pit Stop in Purgatory By SOPHIA KERCHER
Cha Cha Lounge
Best Last Dances By GENDY ALIMURUNG
Vivo Dancesport
Riding Out the Apocalypse
By TERRENCE E. DUNN
Where to catch the last wave
Queens of the New Ice Age By GENDY ALIMURUNG
East West Ice Palace versus Aliso Viejo Ice Palace
Best Westside Happy Hour By LONN FRIEND
Kay ’n Dave’s Fresh Mex Cantina
Best Tidal Refuge
By ELLA TAYLOR
Infuzion Café
The Last Days of Disco
By LINA LECARO
Nightranger’s welcome to the jungle
No-Escape Best Looting On the Eve of Destruction By LINDA IMMEDIATO
Crossbows, medical pot and American Apparel
The Last Laugh By STEVEN MIKULAN
The Groundlings
Best Whey Out By JONATHAN GOLD
Ludobites at Breadbar
(Illustrations by Peter Horvath, 3D lettering by Daniel Couto)
Best Escape From L.A. By CRAIG GAINES
The Amtrak Pacific Surfliner
Best Escape Vittles By RENA KOSNETT
Snake, gator and other edible critters at Charlie Brown Farms
Best Offshore Radio Activity By DAVID COTNER
KISL 88.7 FM Island Radio
So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
By JONATHAN GOLD
Just another perfect day
Best Place to Stop and Smell the Roses
By COURTNEY LEAR
Exposition Park Rose Garden
Best Smell to Remember
By DAVID COTNER
See’s Candy Factory
Best Temple of Earthly Delights By DAVID COTNER
The Mayan
Best Cat's Cradle By DAVID COTNER
Lucy at Skylight Books
God in an Alcove By DAVID COTNER
Clifton’s Cafeteria
Best Way to Get All the Way Through Moby-Dick in a Weekend By JUDITH LEWIS
Venice Oceanarium Beach Reading
Grandma's Attic
By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS
Counterpoint Records and Books
Biggest Fuck You, L.A. By DANI KATZ
Or 108 seconds during which you will pray, bargain and beg for the apocalypse
Last Wet Dream By STEVEN MIKULAN
Arthur J. Will Memorial Fountain
Raw Power
By DANI KATZ
Best Belly Fillers for the Ascension
Best Five Inches of Pure Beef By LONN FRIEND
The Wiener Factory
Best of the Wurst By DAVID COTNER
Schreiner’s Fine Sausages
The Last Supper (or Breakfast or Lunch) By STEVEN MIKULAN
Philippe the Original
The Mission Position By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS
San Gabriel and San Fernando missions
Best Griffith Park Alternative By CRAIG GAINES
Kenneth Hahn Park
Best Lookout Point By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS
Mulholland Trail
Best Westside Meditation Spot By LONN FRIEND
Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine Temple
Cod Almighty
By JOE DONNELLY
Best Fish Taco in Ensenada
Best Diversion Strategy By N.R. JENSSEN
Game Empire
Best Escape From the Eastside By DANIEL HERNANDEZ
Venice, Beatch!
She… Had to Leave… By GENDY ALIMURUNG
Going home to suburbia — Walnut, California
Look Homeward, Angeleno By ALAN RICH
Glimpses of a well-lived life
(Illustration by Peter Horvath, 3D lettering by Daniel Couto)
Shop Till Everybody Drops By PANDORA YOUNG
What the well-equipped survivalist will be wearing
Drinking in Wisdom (and Reishi Spores) With Captain Truth By DANI KATZ
The Tonic Bar at Erewhon Natural Foods Market
Dogged Pursuit By CRAIG GAINES
Free franks at the White Horse
Best Revival of an Extinct Fashion Species By DANI KATZ
Stronghold Jeans
Best Concierge Service for Slackers (and Their Spoiled Dogs)
By JUDITH LEWIS
Complete Concierge
Best Place to Watch Other Species Live in Peace and Harmony By LONN FRIEND
The Aquarium of the Pacific
The Bionico Man
By DANIEL HERNANDEZ
Placita Café
Best Wake-Up Call By DANI KATZ
Urth Caffé’s Japanese Tea Latte
Watching the Apocalypse By DAVID COTNER
Cinefile
Best Emergency Protein By JONATHAN GOLD
Beef Jerky from A&Z’s Nut Wagon
Best Chocolate Bliss By DANI KATZ
The Chocolate Box Café
Best Message in a Bottle By DAVID COTNER
Broguiere’s Dairy
Best Sources for Building a Vintage Sound System By N.R. JENSSEN
A Vinyl Revival
Lost Path to Shangri-la By DANI KATZ
The bridge at Lower Topanga’s Rodeo Grounds
Best Car Wash for Meeting Girls By LONN FRIEND
Americana Express Car Wash & Detail
Best Extinction Experts By GENDY ALIMURUNG
The Dinosaur Institute
Hot Mango! By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS
Farm Fresh Ranch Market
Best Yogurt for Your Health By CHRISTINE PELISEK
Real. Raw. Live.
The Arms (and Legs) Race
By DAVID COTNER
Human Designs Prosthetic and Orthotic Laboratory
Best Soup Dumpling By JONATHAN GOLD
Mei Long Village
Best Pet Love for Pound Pups By LINDA IMMEDIATO
Catts & Doggs
Best Way to Live in the Past By N.R. JENSSEN
Victory Station slot cars
Best Way to Kill Time
By N.R. JENSSEN
Origami books from Kinokuniya Bookstore
Best Underground Movie Viewing By N.R. JENSSEN
Ahmanson Auditorium at MOCA
Above It All
By RENA KOSNETT
Universal City Overlook
Best Fizz By JONATHAN GOLD
Wine Expo
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