LOS ANGELES DRAMA CRITICS CIRCLE ANNOUNCES NOMINATIONS FOR ACHIEVEMENTS DURING 2010
The 42nd annual ceremony takes place on Monday, March 14 at Burbank's Colony Theatre. Details will be posted at www.ladramacriticscircle.com
The scheduled hosts are L.A. theatre favorites the Troubadour Theatre Company. Other presenters t.b.a.
Awards will be presented in eighteen categories, honoring excellence in theatre over the past year. Four award recipients were named by acclamation: Lin-Manuel Miranda for his music and lyrics for the national tour of In The Heights; Chris Bell for his special effects for the Grand Guignolers' Absinthe, Opium & Magic; and Matthew W. Mungle and Waldo Warshaw for their special effects and prosthetic effects in the Mark Taper Forum's The Lieutenant of Inishmore. Finally, seven special awards will also be presented:
STAGE RAW NEW YEAR THEATER QUIZ
Respondent: Thurgood McCallister, UCLA theater student, former track-and-field-star, former adult film actor. Both careers were temporarily curtailed in January at pre-season track-and-field trials held at West Los Angeles College. Having cleared the third high hurdle, McCallister was galloping to victory in the 440-yard dash when he was struck in the head by a wayward discus. McCallister is currently recuperating in Oxnard, where he lives with his sister.
What's the difference between "art", "artsy," and "artsy fartsy"?
Art is a term that defines something; artsy is a condescending term defining something; artsy fartsy is a condescending term defining something smelly.
Stage Raw fact-checked with Orlando State University Professor of Aesthetics, Quentin Tharp, PhD, who vouched for the accuracy of the above response. Five points.
• Is multidisciplinary work, and the promotion of it, really such a threat to traditional presentations -- or can we all just get along?
Multidisciplinary work is just indecisive and should be told to shit or get off the pot, or sit on the pot while video of the shit is projected and the entire stage is placed in a pool of yellow water filled with goldfish.
You call that a serious response? You sound like somebody who got smacked in the head with a discus. Five points off for poor taste.
• Does the blending of music, video and online technologies on our stages really draw a new generation of theatergoers, or is that just the fantasy of faculty and students from CalArts and the programmers over at REDCAT, that's disconnected from the real world?
If the music is loud, the video features nudity, and fetishist chat room text is projected onto the actors' bodies, then young people will come. Or not. Pervy old men will definitely come, though.
As a former adult film actor, you have no business employing the demeaning adjective, "pervy" to describe the very people who helped subsidize your wax jobs. Five points off for hypocrisy.
Does Los Angeles suffer from from a lack of inventive (concept) directors?
No, but inventive directors suffer from a lack of funding to fulfill their vision, though sometimes they also lack vision, but you'd never know because they have no money or inventiveness.
A clever ontological loop. Stage Raw is returning your five points, but only if you stand up for pervy old men (and women), whom we respect and admire.
• If you answered "yes" to the above, please answer the following: (a) If so, why? (b) If so, is that such a bad thing? If you answered "no" to the above, please move on to the next question.
[McCallister answered "no" to the prior question, so no answer was required for this one. No answer was given. Five bonus points for following instructions.]
• Why is it that the United States' most famous concept directors find most of their employment in Europe, Canada and South America, rather than in their homeland? (a) People outside the United States are stupid and pretentious; (b) People inside the United States are stupid and crass; (c) Concept directors have no respect and therefore don't deserve any. (Only one answer, please!)
Minus five points for trying to show off and thereby embarrassing everybody.
• Does L.A. theater suffer from a lack of autobiographical one-person shows? If so, why?
LA Theatre suffers from a lack of unauthorized autobiographical flash mobs. Can you get going on that please?
A very helpful suggestion, even though you skirted the question. Bonus 10 points.
• Does L.A. theater suffer from a lack of shows named [Fill in the Title]: The Musical! If so, why?
Every show should have a colon after the title and an explanation of what it is. It's so exhausting to figure it out our ourselves.
Again you skirted the question. You might as well have answered, "The Queen of France" though your response is truer. Bonus five points for speaking truth to power.
• Why is the Fountain Theatre always sold out when it just does plays about bitter musicians and graveyards?
It's a mystical thing. The theatre was built on the gravesite of Central Avenue musicians and they're not very good at haunting the place.
Mysticism is better for all of us than pornography, as you well know. Bonus five points.
• Should actors be paid for their work? If so, should they be paid even if their production loses money? Why?
I think they should be forced to pay for every empty seat. That'll teach 'em.
Spiteful, but true. Minus five points for the spite. The truth is irrelevant.
• Should investment bankers be paid for their work? If so, should they be paid even if their company loses money? Why?
Investment bankers should be forced to watch one-person autobiographical shows. One for every dollar they steal. That'll teach 'em.
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This is beyond spiteful; it's shameful, gratuitous sadism. Five points bonus.
• Did you enjoy this quiz? If so, why? If not, please move on to the next question.
Was this a quiz? I thought it was the US Citizenship Questionnaire.
CONGRATULATIONS THURGOOD McCALLISTER. YOU JUST SCORED 91.7 POINTS, WHICH GIVES YOU AN A-, AND TWO COMPLIMENTARY TICKETS TO THE OVATION AWARDS, WHICH WERE HELD JANUARY 17. JUST SAY "STAGE RAW" AT THE DOOR, AND ENJOY THE SHOW! ALL OF US AT STAGE RAW WISH YOU A SPEEDY RECOVERY.