Paul T. BradleyTwenty Eleven has been a year of occupies. Occupations. Occupitudes. You get the idea.
Sure, the Occupy Wall Street movement has only been around since September, but since then we've been occupying all manner of whatnot like there's no tomorrow (thanks to the Mayans, there actually might not be one in 2012). We've even been occupying all the bizarre intangibles that the internet and the clever asses behind it can come up with.
Here are the 50 craziest. If you make it to the end, there's a page you can lick that tastes like blue raspberry Kool-Aid.
Dancing at City Hall; Credit: Nanette Gonzales
50. Occupy Broadway
“The Streets are Our Stage” boasted one sign. Yes. Yes they are. These thespians put on a chunk of street theater in support of the actual Occupy movement.
Because 99 percent of the police procedurals utilize a collective 1 percent of the national intellect.
We're pretty sure all of that fur is billy-club proof, and that pepper spray is no match for those beady eyes…
47. Occupy IHOP
Join the fight against big breakfast? Ugh.
Some chubby kid…sitting there…until the Boston Bruins lost a game. Which they did. End of story.
45. Occupy Disney World / Land
“Because 99 percent of the fast passes go to 1 percent of the people…” or something like that. There's no shortage of Disney fanatics who would be willing to unnecessarily defend these causes.
44. Occupy Lego
This one's actually awesome.
43. Occupy Game Day
There's nothing more important than college football. 1% 99%…blah blah blah…go deep, touchdown, or whatever.
42. Occupy L.A. Live / Rose Parade / other L.A. hot spots
This one speaks for itself.
41. Occupy Christmas / Kwanzaa / Festivus / Hanukkah / Non-Sectarian Winter Light Holiday
You get the idea. Occupy those holidays…with multicultural vigor!
Santa is definitely the top 1 percent of the top 1 percent…but, like, he gives it all away…so why bother occupying his hometown? We suppose we'll never understand.
Credit: Nanette Gonzales
39. Occupy Naked Santas / Santacon
Stick it to…The Man…by being drunk, belligerent, and without clothing? We're not sure what message he's supposed to get with this one.
Because you've got to fight for your right to be in the middle of nowhere…
37. Occupy Skyrim
From what we've heard, after playing the video game Skyrim, it would be hard to occupy anything else but Skyrim. We know this one guy who hasn't seen the light of day since it came out.
36. Occupy Mordor
We're definitely sure that the Dark Lord does not respect your rights of habeas corpus…so you might not want to go the whole non-violent route here. Maybe bring an army…and some badass wizard of some kind?
35. Occupy Cybertron
Wasn't Cybertron destroyed? Sorry, nerds, did we miss something? Nice toys, though.
34. Occupy Arrakis
Because the House Harkonnen's anti-Atreides policies and their monopoly on Melange production….oh, wait, wrong forum. Yeah, it doesn't get nerdier than Dune references.
33. Occupy Poland, Germany, Sudatenland, etc etc.
…anything that mimics a post-1938 kind of situation. Frankly, anywhere once occupied by either the Nazis or red army just doesn't sound, um, kosher. How's about just Solidarity? That one worked really well.
Heirloom peppers — at least someone cares about them.
Ok, fine, they didn't call it an Occupy…but they had a 24hr telethon that might has well been one. Everyone from Stephin Merritt to Elliot Gould came by to help raise some funds. Oh, Jonathan Gold came by, too.
Someone's gotta explain this all to the kids, right?
Occupy your best signage.; Credit: photo by Colin Young-Wolff
Just add “excessive wealth” to the laundry list of grievances against the polarizing two-thousand year old institution…maybe nail them somewhere? On a cathedral door of some kind? Might be easier and cheaper.
Get out your tinfoil hats…add some Truther and Birther magic, and you've got a New World Order Conspiracy sandwich. Where's an Occupy Sanity group when you need it?
27. Occupy Herbalism
No, not that kind of herb…the other kind…the healthier kind…occupy it.
26. Occupy Adoption
No, seriously, the adoption industry is pretty messed up.
25. Occupy Earth
Or not. Most of us have absolutely no choice in the matter. Thanks for reminding us.
24. Occupy Poetry
Maybe they can come up with better synonyms for “occupy” and do it in metered rhyme? That might make for a better occupy lexicon.
Yeah, that too.
22. Occupy Duvet
Because it's cold…in your $1.5 million condo…with all that air conditioning on…
…if such a thing is even possible.
20. Occupy Bacon
Sir Fancis Bacon? No. The overused pork product. Occupy it…or let it occupy you?
Occu Pie!
You just did. Just now. Kind of hard to avoid, right?
18. Occupy A Small Suburban White-Bread Town
Occupy Greenwich, CT is easily the wittiest of the occupy tweeters. Check it.
17. Occupy Your Mind / Self-Improvement
Yep…it's pretty meta. Again, try NOT to occupy your mind…woah.
Because small town bars need the business, right?
15. Occupy My Birthday / My House
There are way too many of these to list. How many evites, emails, facebook party invites, and so on did you receive this fall imploring you to occupy someone's living room, kitchen, porch or back yard — all in the name of a shitty joke? You should stop being friends with those people.
14. Occupy My Pants / Your Pants
Sigh. More like “Too Lame to Fail”.
13. Occupy Your Mom / My Mom
This one hasn't been funny since you were above water on your mortgage…zing…too soon?
12. Occupy Your Job and Earn a Living
The rallying cry of the conservative anti-occupy masses….”Get a job!” they yelled from the easy chairs they bought with their unemployment checks.
11. Occupy Improv
Because no one…we mean NO ONE is doing improv anymore.
Occupy Balls Deep
Seems harmless…and positively positive.
9. Occupy My Balls / Deez Nuts
Speaks for itself; because there are some things you have to take seriously.
8. Ocuu-Pie
There's no revolution quite like a pizza-based one.
7. Occupy Apps
But what if they take your smart phone?
6. Occupy Memes
There are literally thousands of these. From the UC pepper-spraying guy, to half of the ones we mentioned above. The one thing we've occupied most this year….memes.
5. Occupy Karaoke.
A bunch of kids in L.A. did karaoke for 25 days in a row.
Is this guy trying to get his camera occupied by an image of that woman's ass?; Credit: Nanette Gonzales
This is something we can all…um…get behind, right?
Ibid.
2. Occupy the Front Cover of Time Magazine
The Protester did make some pretty awesome strides in 2011. Maybe s/he will make a few more in 2012.
1. Occupy the National Lexicon
I think we've proven this one. What will 2012's word / activity of the year? Engross? Immerse? Preoccupy? We'll just have to wait and see.
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