Sam PhillipsI love eating out assholes.
Literally, I'm referring to the man's most precious posterior pucker, and not figuratively to his piss-poor personality trait.
For those of you who get an instant hard-on at the thought of me sucking on your starfish, I should note that I'm not into licking just any person's anus. It's got to be attached to a guy I like, who has recently showered and smells like there's a bar of Irish Spring soap up his ass.
The act of analingus, commonly referred to as 'rimming,' or 'tossing the salad,' involves contact between the mouth, lips or tongue of one person, and the anus or perineum (space between the ass and genitals) of another. It is practiced privately by all sexual orientations and genders, but some still consider it to be taboo, dirty or even homoerotic, so it's rarely discussed openly or admitted to in public.
That is, until now.
Here are the facts: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's 2011 National Health Statistics study showed that among adults aged 25-44, about 98 percent of women and 97 percent of men have had vaginal intercourse, 89 percent of women and 90 percent of men have had oral sex, and 36 percent of women and 44 percent of men have had anal sex. That means one out of every three gals and almost half of the guys polled say they enjoy playing with their partners' poopers.
Cop a squat, boys.
Some of you reading this may wince at the thought of performing oral-anal sex, but I am here to tell the ladies that the lads secretly love (and deem you a keeper) when your tongue accidentally grazes their butthole while you're giving them head.
Stimulating your dude's sphincter will make his knob throb as the abundance of tiny nerve endings in the anus and surrounding tissues shoot pleasure sensations through his penis with your every lick and nibble.
Girls: If your backside has yet to experience a soft warm mouth lovingly tease and probe it, put that on your bucket list of to-do's before you die. If you are already a fan of the anal arts, then you have discovered how great it is to have your ass eaten as foreplay to getting it fucked.
For those interested in exploring analingus further, here is a practical guide to help you master the most intimate and unconditional bonding sex act shared between two people.
Hygiene and Safety
1. Clean out your ass. It is important to shower before getting your can canoodled. Stick a wet finger into your anus to eliminate fecal remnants from your pucker, or you can use an enema for a thorough rectal rinsing.
2. Shave that butt hole. Even if you think you don't have any hair back there, trust me there's the one stray that got away. Having a smooth posterior heightens your sphincter's sensitivity to touch.
3. Use a dental dam. It's important to have a protective layer between the anus and mouth so as not to spread infection, intestinal parasites, bacteria, viruses or diseases from one orifice to another. You can improvise by using an un-lubricated condom, latex glove or even plastic wrap cut into large squares.
4. Do not double dip. Don't ever put anything that's been in a behind into (or too close to) a vagina without sterilizing it. You can transfer dangerous bacteria and micro-organisms that can cause infections such as vaginitis and cystitis.
5. Rinse your mouth. If you didn't use oral protection, make sure you swish with mouthwash or antiseptic afterwards to sanitize the area. Plus, no one wants ass-breath.
Tips for the Giver
1. Use your breath. Blow warm air onto the anus and the skin surrounding it, or just hover above and breathe against it.
2. Use your tongue. Lay it flat to lick, flick, rub and push against the general backside region, or you can make it stiff and hard to penetrate, probe, tap and trace the anal rim.
3. Use your lips. Kiss and suck the asshole, taint, inner thighs, crack of the ass, buttocks, lower back and the back of the legs.
4. Use your fingers and hands. Probe the rectum and pull apart the butt cheeks. You also can reach around from behind and fondle the front genitals.
5. Use your teeth. As long as you are only doing little nibbles or gentle love bites — not hard chomps.
6. Use your toys. Butt plugs, dildos and dicks can be inserted in the rectum to help stimulate the male prostate and intensify female pelvic orgasms.
BONUS: Positions for the Receiver
1. Sit on your partners face.
2. Entwine yourself in a 69.
3. Lay face down with pillows under your hips, elevating them off the bed.
4. Get on all fours, arch your back, spread your knees and ass cheeks apart.
5. Lie on your back with a pillow under your ass, lifting it up in the air.
6. Lie on your back, pulling your ankles to your ears, and expose your hole.
7. Stand facing the wall, or bend from your waist, with your legs spread wide.
8. Suspending yourself upside down, open your legs in a V formation.
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