Girl Scout Danielle Lei is 13 years old, and she's a goddamn genius. As reported widely (but first by Mashable) last Friday, Lei set up shop to sell Girl Scout Cookies in front of The Green Cross, a dispensary in San Francisco. She promptly sold 117 boxes in two hours – just under a box a minute.
This 13-year-old Girl Scout cracked the code. Much to our dismay, however, she's a San Franciscan. But we're betting there are plenty of enterprising young girls in L.A. who are twice as good at the hard sell as Lei. A box a minute? Pfft. How about five boxes a minute? Ten? All little L.A. Laylee or SoCal Susie needs is a great location or two at which to stake her claim. In fact, we've got five perfect spots where the best and brightest Angeleno Girl Scouts can make tons of cookie dough.
5. Outside Diddy Riese in Westwood
What do people at Diddy Riese want? Cookies! What do they absolutely not want to do? Wait in line to get the cookies. Especially one that looks like you wrapped the Pirates of the Caribbean line around three times. So cut Diddy Riese off at the pass, girls, and set up a table just down the block. You'll scoop up plenty of ravenous cookie monsters willing to forego an ice cream sandwich and settle down with a big box of Thin Mints. Is it mean to take away their business? Hell no. Diddy Riese has all year to print money. You, however, are on a deadline, and not only are you gonna make your quota with this strategy, you're gonna turn your NorCal rivals green with envy to match their Girl Scout tunics.
4. On the Pickup Line in West Hollywood
It's 12:30 a.m. in WeHo, and the Pickup Line is full of hungry, drunk gay men who haven't eaten all day. Then they look to the back of the trolley and see you, Girl Scout Gina, with boxes of shortbread ready to go. They storm your table, throwing down as many singles as they have left over from the go-go boys at the Abbey and scoop up those cookies in a flash. Soon enough, they're Instagramming, Vining and tweeting away: “#GirlScout on the #PickupLine in #WeHo #gayscout #mygaylife #instagay,” and what do you know? You're swarmed with the starving and trendy who love a girl in uniform. You captured WeHo's heart, Gay Icon Gina. You did it.
3. In front of the Storefront Formerly Known as Zinga! in Culver City
Like our own Jennifer Swann, the lonely souls who were broken up by the loss of Culver City's Zinga! are looking for another awkwardly punctuated dessert to love. Right on cue, here you come with your Thanks-A-Lots, setting up in front of the former Zinga! storefront. You would never abandon them, you insist, nor would the divine, crunchy sensation of your Do-si-dos. Their broken hearts begin to mend, as they never dared to dream they would. You've given them happiness – more than that, you've helped them to feel loved again. That's what being a Girl Scout is all about, right? Well, except selling cookies. You believe in love as much as the next girl with a One Direction CD, but hey, you're out to break sales records here.
2. Next to Snapchat HQ in Venice
Who are the types of people who'll geek out at seeing Snapchat's Venice-set main office? Startup nerds. What's the biggest startup of all? Selling cookies at a card table. The Silicon Valley visitors will be blown away by the simplicity of your operation. They'll start calculating their offers on the spot. Whatsapp was worth $16 billion? Your cookies are worth twice that, easy. Soon enough, you've got Valleywag covering your every move and Mark Zuckerberg offering a partnership. You know what's cooler than selling 117 boxes of cookies? 117 billion boxes of cookies.
1. On Venice Boardwalk, duh
Then again, should international fame not be your cup of tea, you're mere steps away from a place Danielle Lei could only dream of: Venice Boardwalk. Selling outside of one dispensary? Try setting up your business in stoner heaven! Boardwalk denizens buy the terrible food at the shops down there all the time; imagine how crazy they'll go when they see you. Munchies doesn't even begin to cover it. You're lucky if you don't start a full-on mob. Venice will celebrate you while the startup fiends calculate their final offer not far away and the WeHo denizens continue to spam social media with their photos with you (“Yaaaaasss Girl Scout your cookies are SO good yaaaaaasss”). L.A. is your cookie sales oyster; NorCal's got nothing on you, girl.
Follow Kevin O'Keeffe on Twitter @kevinpokeeffe. Want more Squid Ink? Follow us on Twitter or like us on Facebook.