Illustration by Mike Lee
001. Jack Lemmon
002. Ketchup
003. Caviar
004. Kahokia Mounds
005. Arrowheads
006. Zero Percent Financing
007. Ashcroft Satan
008. Ned the Juggling Amoeba-Boy
009. Tracy & the Hindenburg
Ground Crew
010. Urban Elevator Camouflage
011. Factual Evidence
012. Will work for fast-food stamps
013. Receding Airlines
014. Glimpse adjacent car perfect
life cancer
015. Attack of the Pythogenic
Wal-Martians
016. Spandex Burka Bikini Fever
017. Solo Debt Chills
018. Britney Spears:
12 billion
019. Gandhi: 19
020. Rumsfeld Smirksquintmania, Sucka!
021. Give Stephen Colbert more money
022. Satan’s Little
Telemarketers
023. Pandora’s Pizza
024. Kentucky Blue Grass Hair Ball
025. Bunker Buster
026. Cluster Fuck
027. Good Buy
028. Mysterious letter from Arnie Miller
029. Rico Petrocelli/Sandy Koufax
lawn-trimming oblivion
030. Spiro Agnew Memorial Nausea
031. Condoleezza Oil Tanker Logic
032. June Cleans Apartment
033. FDNY
034. NYPD
035. DKNY
036. Body Bag
037. Hessel Park
038. Dear Mr. and Mrs. Collateraldamage
039. We regret to inform you
040. Falwellbutrin
041. Faith-Based Evildoers
042. Jew! Git ’im, boys!
043. God Bless It
044. Gary Conditioning
045. Richard Pryor/Bill Hicks
(Revelations 24:7)
046. Erythrodoxyreciprocation Fees
047. Mail-opening technique
048. Liberal Jew–Run Media
049. Commie Pinko Propagandagasm
050. Small One-Bedroom $FUCK
051. Diamond Mine AIDS
052. Commie Feggit Marine Aquarium
053. (Semper, Semper)
054. Illiterate Font Library
055. Routine Data Base
056. I Love You, Leave
057. ABM Virus
058. Cigar-box sanctions
059. Jesus Tobacco™
060. Landmine Binge
061. Creation Science Gig
062. L. Ron Fictionopoly
063. Chocolate Butterfly Fish
064. God Bless You (wet)
065. Gesundheit (dry)
066. Earthquake
067. Involuntary puppet show
068. Minimum wage: sooner do porn
069. Spy vs. Spy
070. Tahoe Mud
071. Christian of You
072. White of You
073. And then everything was allllll right
074. Osama bin Laden
075. End of Everything, etc.
076. Beginning of Everything Else, etc.
077. Eggs and Sausage
078. Gonorrhea of the Soul, Babe
079. (Applause)
080. Rusty Growls
081. Apocalypse Lite™
082. Steak and Eggs in Fishland
083. Operation Enduring Slogan
084. Flight Econtrails
085. Larry Mantel Overdrive
086. Civilians With Jobs
087. Send something to Earl
088. Mudbone was born in Tupelo
089. The shit fuck with your nervous system
090. Nonscientific Online Survey:
[X] Agree
091. Nonscientific Online Survey:
[X] Disagree
092. Nairobi Trio
093. Ray Dougela’s old man:
Pussy! Pussy!
094. Dottievision™ Landscape
095. Monistic Parepithymia
096. When I grow up I’m gonna live
in a house
097. If I grow up I’ll live in a small
apartment
098. Galeanthropic Tora Bora
Subingression
099. Mugwump Jeffords, thank you
100. Forte staccato two-handed
Turkish gesture
101. Ashcroft weds transsexual porn star Misty Fist; details soon
102. Jeffrey moves to . . . Texas?!
103. Lagavulin 30 percent less
(Trader Joe’s)
104. Chronic tongue depression
105. Undisclosed Dick Cheney
tax-/bomb-shelter
106. Oldest living citizen of Beverly Hills: 39
107. Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson
108. Nonspecific paid celibacy leave
109. Carrot-top outpatient surgery
110. AOL by Allen Ginsberg
111. Dan Quayle’s Afghanistane
112. Multimillionaire Jason Alexander must sell fried chickens
113. Life on a conveyer belt
114. Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-landmine
115. Nice legs, baaaaabe . . .
116. Half-off double-penetration sale
117. Hedonophobic dentiloquist
118. Swimming pools
119. Movie stars
120. The lactose-intolerant hillbillies
121. Methadone patriots/Heroin refugees
122. Compassionate petroleum robots
123. The Death Clock (www.deathclock.com), “the Internet’s friendly reminder that life is
slipping away . . . second by
second.”
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