Say what you will about strip clubs being dens of iniquity — dancers are basically small-business people who deserve our support. Guys and girls, gay and straight alike will find plenty of eye candy on our carefully curated list of the top ten best strip clubs in L.A., from the Sunset Strip to downtown.

10. The Gentleman’s Club (NUDE)
This recently remodeled Glendale grotto provides a chill and spacious place to experience fully unclothed jiggle and jive (you will get talked into some lap dances but you will more than likely not regret doing so). Find the online coupon for the $40 special for more guilt-free grinding. The silhouettes outside only hint at the visual delights within, and though it's near the railroad tracks on San Fernando Road, it is surprisingly clean and swanky, with a Euro-chateau décor, state of the art lighting and sound, ?big screen TVs showing sporting events, plus multiple lap-dance booths, VIP rooms, and a “champagne room” (though no real bubbly) for those Nomi Malone fantasy moments. 5175 W. San Fernando Road, Glendale.
(818) 552-3687, thegentlemensclub.net.

9. Seventh Veil (NUDE)
Yes, the neon sign blinking outside of the Seventh Veil on Sunset served as the inspiration for the Mötley Crüe song “Girls, Girls, Girls,” and you will still hear the horndoggy faux-metal classic there on the speakers … a lot. But don’t expect to see the caliber of dancers seen in theCrüe’s music video (which was filmed there) these days. In truth, the veil can be a sad place sometimes now that it’s not a rockstar haven, but its historical value alone is enough to make it a must visit. Two stages, private rooms for lap dances where touching is encouraged (especially if you’re female!) and gals of all shapes and ethnicities rocking hairless bods and the kinds of hair-dos that make sense on the Sunset Strip. There's nothing subtle under this veil. 7180 Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, (323) 876-4761. facebook.com/Seventh-Veil-148458818521514.

8. Crazy Girls (BIKINI)
Like the Veil, it’s impossible to compile a strip club list without including this Hollywood hottie hub. Crazy Girls is a Lucite-heel humdinger, but it’s more of a dive and that’s why we like it. The lights and stage here are like something out of a Tarantino flick, but don't expect anything too dangerous to go down (or anyone to) at Crazy Girls. It's been a bikini bar (no nudity) for years, though the get-ups are teeny-weeny. All the better to show off the ample ink decorating the gals who gravitate to the stage here. Its locale (and popular live heavy metal nights) continue to attract a less aged-perv type and a more bodacious booze- and sex-seeking scenester crowd. 1433 N La Brea Ave., Hollywood. (323) 969-0055, crazygirlshw.com.

7. Dames & Games (TOPLESS)
Ballers and babes make for a winning combination at this topless sports bar, which features stage performances, lap dances and Hooters-esque waitresses in referee uniforms (fulfilling all your childhood Foot Locker fantasies). Along with the requisite pitchers and wings (try the Lemon Pepper ones), they’ve got great deals on steak ($2 on Tuesday) and burger deals during happy hour. It’s like a giant colorful and shockingly clean man cave on steroids (yes, that is a sport reference). Funny, even with all the boobs everywhere — propped up on servers and bared on stage — you’ll often see regulars more entranced by the plasma screens than the ladies. Just like at home … sigh. Free admission with a Yelp check-in. 2319 E. Washington Blvd., downtown. (323) 589-2220, damesngames.net.

6. Cheetahs (BIKINI)
Like a few other spots on this list, Cheetahs has a rock & roll feel (tattooed punkettes dance alongside more traditional beauties in outfits that go beyond the typical Hollywood Blvd. spandex fare). It’s non-generic atmosphere might have something to do with the locale (Silver Lake/Los Feliz, in the space that old-timers will be remember as The Shamrock, an Irish pub turned live rock venue). Inside, it looks nothing like its former self, with a runway, poles and provocative mood lighting. It makes for a cool backdrop to the grinding, twirling and crawling that happens on stage. Like Crazy Girls, bands started playing here on certain nights, but it didn’t last and it didn’t need to. Convenient location and parking, dynamic dancers and a good DJ keep Cheetah’s no frills and fierce. 4600 Hollywood Blvd., Los Feliz. (323) 660-6733, cheetahsclubhollywood.com.

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The guys of Hollywood Men are greased up and ready to hump air.; Credit: Courtesy Hollywood Men

The guys of Hollywood Men are greased up and ready to hump air.; Credit: Courtesy Hollywood Men

5. 4Play (NUDE)
Prepare to part with more than a pocket full of singles at 4Play. There’s a cover charge and drink minimum (it’s full nude so we’re talking non-alcoholic), and gals are always eager to get you into a private dance room (all cost over $100, but for many the opportunity for some touchy-feely is worth it). 4Play is one of those places that looks classy, but still has an ominous, unpredictable feel. It’s super money driven, but the dudes who hang here seem to have a lot of it. You get what you pay for and in this case, that’s attractive, very fit, hard-bodied babes and girls who want to be models but work here till they make it. These gals look like they don’t eat, but at least you can: the menu offers a pretty tasty selection of “strip club food” including breakfast anytime (pancakes, etc.), sandwiches, tacos and even protein-heavy dishes and salads, which we’re guessing female patrons always want to order after the fab-ab show. 2238 Cotner Ave. West L.A. (310) 575-0660. 4playclub.com.

4. Star Garden (TOPLESS)
The valley’s premiere topless dive bar often gets overlooked for some of the more popular joints in Hollywood, but its thrills are worth a hop over the hill. They have a massive selection of crafts beers for one, and the other drinks are dive-bar cheap. Themed music nights include punk rock and 80s new wave, and even when the the format is open, the gals here shake to an inspired genre-blended soundtrack that goes beyond pop and hip-hop. Because it's a dive there's never the hard sell seen at other strip clubs for lap lovin,' and those with a preference for ogling real versus surgically enhanced goodies and vice versa, will be both be satisfied. This garden may not be filled with delicate flowers, but weeds are few and far between. 6630 Lankershim Blvd., North Hollywood. (818) 764-9766.

3. Jumbo's Clown Room (BIKINI)
OK, so the fact that Jumbo’s has caught on with the millennial-hipster set isn’t exactly a plus (there always seems to be a long line outside these days) but this lusty landmark still sets the standard for nightly strip shows in Los Angeles thanks to hot, mostly alternative-looking ladies and the unmatched ambiance of the room itself. There’s a lot of history embedded in Jumbo’s walls and it goes way beyond Courtney Love’s long-gone cigarette stench. No nudity here, but the glam gals gyrating in barely-there get-ups and sky-high heels continue to do astounding things on the pole, and have great taste in music, often pairing outfits to rock and pop hits. In this way, Jumbos is more akin to a place where you'd see burlesque shows. The thematically sexy circus remains the first choice to bring friends visiting town, and birthday parties for newly legal 21-year-olds seeking both liquor and ladies that are as badass as they are beguiling. 5153 Hollywood Blvd., East Hollywood. (323) 666-1187, jumbos.com/about-jumbos-clown-room.

2. Three-way TIE: Hollywood Men, Hunk-O-Mania, Black Diamond (G-STRINGS)
Bachelorette parties and girl gatherings continue to keep the pelvis-and-pecs parade alive and (dry) humping in Los Angeles, and the success of Magic Mike (the original and the sequel) definitely hasn’t hurt. Hollywood Men has been doing its thang for over two decades now at various nightclubs around town (7969, Arena, The Highlands currently Ohm nightclub), but there are two other contenders we’d like to give a nod to as well. Hunk-O-Mania, which offers a more diverse mix of men and body types (less buffed out gym rats and more cute and lanky fellas, which many of us prefer) and Black Diamond (for you ladies who find chocolate skin the sweetest). All of the above offer lively themed vignettes and a rousing climax that sees the fellas get freaky face to face — crotch to cleavage, lap to lips and hips — with the female audience. The screaming and screeching that goes on for all of these beefcake bootie-shakers is an experience that every woman should have at least once. Women lose their damn minds at these parties, and it’s a hoot to watch. Bring earplugs and prepare for the loudest and lustiest ladies night ever.
hwmen.com; hunkomanianyc.com/los-angeles-male-strip-club.html; blackdiamondmalestrippers.com/los-angeles-male-strip-club.html.

1. Sam's Hofbrau (TOPLESS)
Sam Hofbrau in downtown tops this list for one reason: pure, unadulterated sensory overload. You like big bootie and ample buns, hun? This is your place. The ladies here run the gamut in sizes and colors, and more importantly they seem to be having a lot of fun on stage, especially on weekends when the place gets packed. G-Stringed twerking happens non-stop, and the DJ is spinning hip-hop hits to fuel the flapping and tapping. In this way, Sam's feel like a dance club in many ways which makes it more fun for those of us who aren’t into the creepy vibes that often seep into normal strip clubs. But don’t get it twisted, this is a show more than a shindig and the sight of dozens and dozens of dancers all on stage at once bouncing butts and making it rain green is something you’ll never forget. You’ll more than likely be back … for more back. 1751 E. Olympic Blvd, downtown. (213) 623-3989, samshofbrau.com.

CORRECTION: This post was updated to accurately reflect that Sam's Hofbrau is a legal topless bar, not a bikini bar.

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