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Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time

Friday, February 17, 2012

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What makes a terrible band? Is it being prepared to do the wrong thing, whatever the price? That and a pair of testicles. Only, some of the below groups possess testicles only in the symbolic sense. Because, even if you're composed of ladies, it takes balls to make music that is simultaneously pretentious and dopey, derivative and uniquely craptastic. And so in that spirit we present the worst bands of all time. As with our top 20 greatest musicians of all time and top 20 hair metal albums of all time lists, we take this shit very seriously, even enlisting objective third party analysts to review our findings for accuracy. -Ben Westhoff

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Thursday, February 16, 2012

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Haterade

Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #5-1

Comments (123)

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Thu, Feb 16, 2012 at 3:30 AM
animalcollective.jpg

See also:

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #20-16

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #15-11

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #10-6

5. Animal Collective

I really wanted to like Merriweather Post Pavilion, even going far out of my way to appreciate the record as it was surely intended: super-stoned, miles from civilization in the northern California woods. Still, no dice. The problem is that Animal Collective are a special kind of unlistenable; their albums don't reward active engagement, but they don't make good background music, either. Their brand of twee is cloying and grating like an attention-starved, sugar-crashing eight-year-old who wants you to admire his finger painting, while you're trying to wash the dishes. -Ben Westhoff

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Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Haterade

Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #10-6

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Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 4:00 AM
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See also:

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #20-16

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #15-11

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #5-1

10. Pussycat Dolls

The Pussycat Dolls may seem like an easy target, but they're actually a quite difficult one, considering they're less band than brand. There's their reality show and various line-up shifts, of course, but the details of those are too depressing to go into. Getting angry with the Pussycat Dolls is like getting angry with Bank of America or Walmart. That said, fuck Walmart. -Kai Flanders

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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Haterade

Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #15-11

Comments (0)

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Tue, Feb 14, 2012 at 3:30 AM
Pretty_Ricky.jpg

See also:

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #20-16

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #10-6

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #5-1

15. Pretty Ricky

Emerging with their mid-aughts hit "Grind With Me," Pretty Ricky somehow managed to lower the bar when it came to heartthrob groups with baby-oil-smeared chests. It's excellent that they've got great abs, and they certainly have the right to wear their shiny jackets wide open. But their musical sensibilities are questionable; someone in the group seems to have decided that New Jack Swing was too subtle. Pretty Ricky's rap-R&B hybrid is so tasteless and tacky, even, that it could make Mariah Carey blush. The point here is seduction, but it's hard to be seduced when you're nauseous. -Ben Westhoff

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Monday, February 13, 2012

Monday, February 13, 2012

Haterade

Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #20-16

Comments (168)

By

Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 5:30 AM
Spin_Doctors_1.jpg

See also:

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #15-11

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #10-6

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #5-1

What makes a terrible band? Is it being prepared to do the wrong thing, whatever the price? That and a pair of testicles. Only, some of the below groups possess testicles only in the symbolic sense. Because, even if you're composed of ladies, it takes balls to make music that is simultaneously pretentious and dopey, that is both derivative and uniquely craptastic. And so in that spirit we present, below, the worst bands of all time. As with our top 20 greatest musicians of all time and top 20 hair metal albums of all time lists, we take this shit very seriously, even enlisting objective third party analysts to review our findings for accuracy. -Ben Westhoff

20. Spin Doctors

Did you know that Blues Traveler's John Popper used to be a member of this damn group? That may explain why a Spin Doctors song is a bit like herpes. You get infected at a young age when you don't know any better. When you think it's finally gone, it rears its ugly head again. The mere mention of tracks like "Two Princes" create an earworm so powerful that you're going to need to see an ENT doctor. Forget Chris Barron's scraggly beard; the real problem with the Spin Doctors is their enduring lightweight retro "jam" song legacy on crappy corporate radio. Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in. -Nicholas Pell

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