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Fine, Let's Talk Juggalos

Monday, July 28, 2014

Nebraska, a personable and modest 22-year-old dishwasher from Lincoln, Nebraska, takes a punch. - NATE "IGOR" SMITH
  • Nate "Igor" Smith
  • Nebraska, a personable and modest 22-year-old dishwasher from Lincoln, Nebraska, takes a punch.
As our nation's culture and economy continues to deteriorate, more and more people are taking an interest in watching people beat the shit out of each other. While, under normal circumstances, these events are highly promoted and take place in giant arenas after two opponents carefully train, there is still a place where brawls remain brutal, honorable and organized.

Hosted by Pennsylvania rap/metal outfit Wolfpac, juggalo combat is one of the more intense experiences at the Gathering of the Juggalos, America's weirdest, largest music festival, put on by Psychopathic Records and Insane Clown Posse each summer, and this year set in rural Thornville, Ohio.

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NATE "IGOR" SMITH
  • Nate "Igor" Smith
Another Gathering of the Juggalos has come and gone, and with it thousands of face-painted, fun-loving freaks and misfits to and from the event's first year in Thornville, Ohio. While the move from the deep wilderness of Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, to this year's decidedly more inhabited location did make the experience seem less like being on another planet, there was still an overabundance of hilarious and strange things happening at all times.

Here are the best overheard quotations from the the 2014 edition of the Gathering of the Juggalos.

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Sunday, July 27, 2014

better-1.jpg
Life sucks. There are a multitude of reasons why, and no one has come to terms with this inescapable truth better than juggalos. Zen masters of nihilism and partying, they have become unquestionable experts at finding creative ways to cope with the unrelenting pain of reality.

Behind the fun-at-any-cost, consequences-be-damned attitude of these clown-painted fiends lies a cache of truly virtuous and respectable traits. You might be unable to comprehend that people who seem so strange might have something profound to teach you, so we've put together this list, outlining just what it is that makes juggalos better than everyone else.

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Clearly, this man takes the top honors - NATE "IGOR" SMITH
  • Nate "Igor" Smith
  • Clearly, this man takes the top honors
Juggalo fashion generally involves great big pants and T-shirts that were possibly purchased at truck stops. Hair is best when it is braided and aloft in the style of Coolio, and everything looks better coated in a thin layer of sticky-delicious Faygo, of course.

But some juggalos go out of their way to trot out their hottest looks for the Gathering of the Juggalos, Here, then, are the 20 best-dressed juggalos at this year's big event.

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Saturday, July 26, 2014

Big LA, on the left, star of TMZ's video that went viral yesterday. - NATE "IGOR" SMITH
  • Nate "Igor" Smith
  • Big LA, on the left, star of TMZ's video that went viral yesterday.

Yesterday, TMZ posted a video of a juggalo stripper giving a lap dance to the belly button of an enormously fat man here at the Gathering — a short film actually shot by DJ Paul of Three 6 Mafia/Da Mafia 6ix fame. The video quickly went viral.

We know what you are asking yourself: Who is this man of such impressive girth? How did he and the kindly young lady in the video find one another? Luckily for you, we have these answers which you seek.

The man's name is Big LA. He is here at the Gathering of the Juggalos with Mike Busey (and the "Busey Beauties"), an Orlando-based full-service party organization headed up by the nephew of celebrated actor legendary madman Gary Busey. Together, Busey, Big LA and their beauties have been operating something of an outdoor stripclub here on the grounds.When one wanders past Busey's makeshift stripper-pole setup, one is invited to come and purchase a T-shirt. Those who do so are then ushered over to a nearby chair for a gratis lap dance from the girls, who can otherwise be found pole-dancing and swinging and spraying water at one another.

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Tiffany and Dip Set, juggalo bride and groom, exhange vows. - DREW AILES
  • Drew Ailes
  • Tiffany and Dip Set, juggalo bride and groom, exhange vows.

"Please, we ask you to hold your Faygo until the wedding begins," a woman with electric green braids instructs the crowd. Standing anxiously nearby is the groom, outfitted in a Jack Skellington top hat. His big day has arrived — he is about to be wed to the love of his life, here at the Gathering of the Juggalos in Thornville, Ohio.

"I'm gonna try and fuck her in the butt tonight," he jokes.

As dedicated to their juggalo family as they are to one another, Tiffany and Dip Set, bride and groom, are here to tie the marriage noose at the Gathering's Carousel Stage.

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Friday, July 25, 2014

A young juggalo faces the punishment for his crimes - NATE "IGOR" SMITH
  • Nate "Igor" Smith
  • A young juggalo faces the punishment for his crimes
Those in the outside world tend to view the Gathering of the Juggalos as a lawless festival of debauchery, with apparently violent clowns — "gang members," even, if you ask the U.S. government — running rampant and chaos ruling the day.

In actuality, this notion is far from the truth. Juggalos in attendance not only consistently treat one another with respect, but even have an institutionalized arbiter of disputes for when conflict does arise.

Have an issue with a fellow juggalo? Take them to Juggalo Night Court.

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Thursday, July 24, 2014

NATE "IGOR" SMITH
  • Nate "Igor" Smith
After a seven-year stint at Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, the Gathering of the Juggalos moves this year to Legend Valley Campground in Thornville, Ohio.

Will its new home prove as accommodating as its last? Or will the residents of Thornville freak the hell out — like the citizens of Kaiser, Missouri, did when they learned last year that the Gathering was flirting with a move to their town?

After Day One of the Gathering in Thornville, it's probably a bit premature to answer either of those questions. But there are plenty of differences between this year's Gathering and last year's festival. Below are ten initial observations we had as to how the move to Ohio may be better — or worse.

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Monday, March 25, 2013

AMERICAN JUGGALO SCREENGRAB
  • American Juggalo Screengrab
For those among you who are "down" and perhaps for those who are not, you know that much brouhaha was made by the FBI's inclusion of Juggalos -- ie fans of Insane Clown Posse -- in their 2011 National Gang Threat Assessment. This, of course, put them in the same category as well-organized Mexican-helmed narco machines, Bloods, Crips, meticulously tiered Russian mafia syndicates, and the intricately ordered, centuries-old Chinese Triads and Japanese Yakuza.

See also: Inside Insane Clown Posse's Genius Media Operation

But why? For what reason would a motley family of painted fans be considered a national menace? Well, thanks to the recently-fulfilled Freedom of Information Act filing made on behalf of ICP and lawsuits related to the FBI's assessment, we now know the truth. And it will shock you.

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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

ICP560.jpg
By David Thorpe

While perusing Insane Clown Posse's Twitter timeline, like a person does, I came across something interesting: our favorite rap clowns announced a new update to their official smartphone app, which I didn't even know existed. For the advancement of pop journalism and human knowledge in general, I hereby volunteer to investigate.

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