Enter the Wine Rack. It's basically like a flask mixed with a Wonderbra. It holds a full bottle of wine -- or the equivalent of two bottles of beer or twenty shots. It comes with a straw and it's supposedly very discreet, even as it increases your chest by two cup sizes.
Cheap booze and bigger boobs? Sounds too good to be true. So, we put it to the test ourselves, at the Atoms For Peace concert at the Santa Barbara Bowl last month. Don't try this at home, kids, we're professionals!
Then we strapped it on. Crap, the swooping neck line of the shirt we wanted to wear isn't going to work with the full-coverage, granny-style wine bra. Crap. But once we found the right shirt to wear, viola! Instant Dolly Parton.
6:33 pm: Driving over, boyfriend in tow. Omg this Franzia is spilling everywhere. Maybe we should have read those detailed instructions.
7:15pm: We have arrived. A little worried about getting caught by security when we enter. But thankfully it's a chillier night, so hopefully our coat and scarf combination will hide the evidence.
7:43pm: Finally about to walk into the Santa Barbara Bowl.
7:46pm: Security is checking our bag... So close, yet so far!
7:48pm: The security guys says he likes our scarf. Wonder if he just means he likes our rack?
7:50pm: And just like that, we made it through.
7:56pm: Jeez this wine rack is heavy. Now we understand why women get breast reductions. Fortunately, all we need to do is get to drinkin'!
8:25pm: Flea looks pretty good in his skirt. Come to think of it, he could probably pull of a wine rack.
8:30pm: Maybe it's just the Franzia talking, but Atoms For Peace is amazing.
8:50pm We've somehow only just now noticed how awful this wine tastes.
9:15pm: Drunk! We are. And we didn't have to shell out a dime here at the venue. That's kind of like winning a boozehound gold medal!