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Why This Song Sucks

Miguel's "How Many Drinks": Why This Song Sucks

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Wed, May 8, 2013 at 3:45 AM

click to enlarge Miguel
  • Miguel
[Editor's Note: Shea Serrano sometimes writes about Why This Song Sucks, and sometimes about his hilarious and poignant life and times. Better put your shoes on because your socks are about to be blown off.]

Song: Miguel's "How Many Drinks"

History: This song came out and now they play on the radio a lot and so everyone is kind of realizing HOLY FUCK THIS IS BAD.

Atmospherics: Pretty perfect, actually. Airy but not too airy, immediately catchy but covertly hefty, and possessing a perfectly pleasant tempo. When it comes on, everyone's all:

Because with your brain off, it's attractive, and fits that sexy pattern started by "Sure Thing" and "Adorn." (I think we were all just supposed to ignore that song about quickies.) Except, when your brain turns on:

Lyric Analysis:

Frustration; watching you dance.

Oh. Neat. Okay, so am I supposed to put on my rape shoes*?

*I don't think rape shoes are an actual thing. [Some joke about Rick Ross and Reeboks] OOOHHHH!

Invitation; to get in them pants.

Nope. Like, nope. I didn't send that. Or, but I did recently send out invitations to my sons' birthday party next month. It's a Skylander's party though. I don't remember anybody getting in anybody's pants in Skyland.

OH MY GOD IS THERE AN ADULT VERSION OF SKYLAND??? BECAUSE I BET THAT SHIT IS WAAAAAAY LESS BORING.

Come closer, baby, so I can touch.

Nah, bro.

One question: Am I moving too fast? Because I ain't leaving alone.

click to enlarge obsessed.jpg

Feel like I could be honest, babe. We both know that we're grown, that's why I wanna know how many drinks would it take you to leave with me?

Geez.

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