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Serrano Time

Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist": Why This Song Sucks

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Wed, Apr 10, 2013 at 9:58 AM

click to enlarge Brad Paisley
  • Brad Paisley
Monday, Brad Paisley, a white man, joined hands with LL Cool J, a black man, and attempted to end racism with a song called "Accidental Racist" (below), wherein Paisley addressed the debilitating dread of being an affluent white male in America and LL panthered around in the background, high-fiving Robert E. Lee and implying that gold necklaces aren't that dissimilar from slave chains.

I mean.

See also: Why Brad Paisley's "Accidental Racist" Doesn't Suck

A few years ago, I tried to sneak a very Please Have Sex With Me-y romantic-y playlist onto my wife's laptop. It had Ginuwine on it, it had Sade on it, it had Jon B on it, and more. I've no doubt that if I'd had completed the mission as I'd planned it, there'd be at least one more Serrano in the world. However, while lurking around in the dark, I tripped (over the devil's fingernails, I'm assuming) and dropped the laptop square the fuck on its edge. It exploded into a million tiny cockblocking parts.

This song is a lot like that: The intentions are altruistic enough, but the execution is devastating. To wit, a breakdown of the lyrics, along with commentary and pictures and GIFs and so on.

[Brad Paisley]

To the man that waited on at the Starbucks down on Main...

Well, so we're off to an auspicious start.

...I hope you understand when I put on that t-shirt the only thing I meant to say is I'm a Skynyrd fan.

...That fell apart pretty quickly.

click to enlarge WIKI COMMONS
  • Wiki Commons
The red flag on my chest somehow is like the elephant in the corner of the south.
Somehow?

Just a proud rebel son with an 'ol can of worms, lookin' like I got a lot to learn but from my point of view.

Okay, one verse in. Just to recap: You went to a coffee shop this morning. You were there wearing a t-shirt with an emblem on it that has, in no uncertain terms, been affixed to all sorts of human terribleness. The guy working there didn't say anything to you, and maybe he didn't even look at you weird, but maybe just in case on the teeny chance that he didn't fully understand your shirt and even though there's apparently nothing wrong at all and you definitely don't feel guilty about wearing it and running into a black person, but you, without any prompting, just want to clear up that you're not a racist. So basically everyone just shut the fuck up about the shirt you're wearing because you don't like to be made to feel uncomfortable about it by a guy that didn't say anything or do anything? Neat. Got it.

Chorus:

I'm just a white man comin' to you from the southland, tryin' to understand what it's like not to be.

NON-WHITE PEOPLE ARE DEEP SPACE ALIENS AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THEM WHY IS THEIR HAIR NOT BLONDE OR WHY IS IT CURLY WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR EYES WHY ARE THEY BROWN WHAT'S THIS STRANGE LANGUAGE THEY SPEAK WHAT DO THEY EAT DO THEY DRINK WATER IF I FEED ONE AFTER MIDNIGHT WILL MORE NON-WHITES POP OUT OF THEIR BACKS???

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