Loading...
Deathmatch

Dave Stewart vs. Dave Stewart: Who's Better, the Former Eurythmic or the Former Pitcher?

Comments (0)

By

Thu, Aug 2, 2012 at 4:15 AM

click to enlarge Stewart Staredown.
  • Stewart Staredown.
[Editor's note: Deathmatch pairs two artists who have something in common, and determines who is better. It's a concept we sort-of ripped off from MTV, except that instead of claymation it's the printed word!]

Dave A. Stewart, best known as Annie Lennox's other half in '80s new wave act the Eurythmics, recently produced a new Joss Stone song in support of a stricter UN arms treaty. He has spent the last three decades composing tunes and producing others. When it comes to music, he's not exactly a lightweight.

Meanwhile, Dave "Smoke" Stewart is a three time World Series champion former pitcher known for his intimidating stare. While he's a former Dodger, he's best know for his dominating stint with the Oakland A's. When you stepped to the plate, your ass was basically his. He's now a baseball agent.

So, who's better, Dave Stewart or Dave Stewart? Below, we compare them in a number of important categories.

Arms

The Eurythmic, along with Joss Stone, has come out in support of a strict UN treaty controlling the global arms trade. On the other hand, Dave "Smoke" Stewart has an arm over which there is absolutely no control.

Point: The hurler

Facial Hair

The former A sported a Billy Dee Williams lip-tickler for most of his playing career. Eurythmic Stewart has had the face-pube equivalent of the "creepy uncle" for many years.

Point: The hurler

Staredowns

Perpetually hidden behind Bono-goggles, Eurythmic Stewart perhaps fails to realize that an effective intimidating gaze requires bare eyeballs. Dave "Smoke" Stewart, on the other hand, might as well have been granted an automatic first strike against batters he eye-fucked from the mound.

Point: The hurler

Hits

Dave A. Stewart had a bunch of hits with the Eurythmics, including a Grammy for the single "Missionary Man" in 1987. "Smoke" Stewart, meanwhile, pitched a no-hitter in 1990 against the Bluejays. He could be pretty damn stingy with the hits.

Point: The Eurythmic

Related Content

Now Trending

  • Overheard at the Gathering of the Juggalos 2014: The Best Quotations

    Another Gathering of the Juggalos has come and gone, and with it thousands of face-painted, fun-loving freaks and misfits to and from the event's first year in Thornville, Ohio. While the move from the deep wilderness of Cave-In-Rock, Illinois, to this year's decidedly more inhabited location did make the experience...
  • Ten Reasons Juggalos Are Better Than You

    Life sucks. There are a multitude of reasons why, and no one has come to terms with this inescapable truth better than juggalos. Zen masters of nihilism and partying, they have become unquestionable experts at finding creative ways to cope with the unrelenting pain of reality. Behind the fun-at-any-cost, consequences-be-damned...
    2
  • The Best Concerts to See in L.A. This Week

    Be sure to check out our constantly updated concert calendar! Monday, July 28 Washing Machines THE SATELLITE Some bands wear their influences on their sleeves, but L.A.’s Washing Machines helpfully put them in their song titles: “Sonic Fuck” ain’t so far from Sonic Youth, and “Vaseline” ain’t so far from...
Los Angeles Concert Tickets

Slideshows