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Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time

The Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time: 15-11

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Tue, May 22, 2012 at 3:30 AM
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See also:

*Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All-Time: 20-16

*Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All Time: 10-6

*Top 20 Whitest Musicians of All-Time: 5-1

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time

15. Michael McDonald

A yacht-rock refugee, McDonald took the blandest elements of his former bands Steely Dan and the Doobie Brothers -- smooth jazz keys, pinched falsetto harmonies, bass lines kidnapped from disco and beaten into funkless submission -- and used them to launch an '80s blue-eyed soul career so totally devoid of actual soul it was almost genius. Has any artist ever soundtracked more happy hour hookups at Chili's, or provided more fodder for banal wedding bands? Michael, we salute you. -Andy Hermann

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14. MC Paul Barman

In case the name didn't give it away, Paul Barman's sort of a cross between a Borscht Belt Richard Simmons and the guy at the front of your class waving his hand around and making the teacher go, "Anyone other than Paul?" Though he's not at all a natural fit for rap music, he's nonetheless very talented in a cheats-using-the-dictionary way: What fly honey could resist lines like "I won't use a dental dam 'cause it discourages my urges to submerge in her jizz" or "I like to suck toes / Yours secrete fructose"? He's also got a track, which is both whimsical and educational, called "Burping and Farting." -Dan Weiss

click to enlarge KATY BAUGH
  • Katy Baugh

13. Moby

You could hardly get any whiter than hanging out with Moby and a bunch of club kids in platform sneakers in the early 1990s. Sure, techno was black music, created in Detroit in tandem with the "Planet Rock" breakdance revolution, but by the time it hit midtown New York it was a bro-fest fueled by the whitest drug since aspirin, ecstasy. Moby moved on the hard stuff, too: organic tea. Sure, Play sampled deep South blues. So did Led Zeppelin. -Dennis Romero

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