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Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #20-16

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Mon, Feb 13, 2012 at 5:30 AM

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See also:

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #15-11

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time, #10-6

*Top 20 Worst Bands of All Time: #5-1

What makes a terrible band? Is it being prepared to do the wrong thing, whatever the price? That and a pair of testicles. Only, some of the below groups possess testicles only in the symbolic sense. Because, even if you're composed of ladies, it takes balls to make music that is simultaneously pretentious and dopey, that is both derivative and uniquely craptastic. And so in that spirit we present, below, the worst bands of all time. As with our top 20 greatest musicians of all time and top 20 hair metal albums of all time lists, we take this shit very seriously, even enlisting objective third party analysts to review our findings for accuracy. -Ben Westhoff

20. Spin Doctors

Did you know that Blues Traveler's John Popper used to be a member of this damn group? That may explain why a Spin Doctors song is a bit like herpes. You get infected at a young age when you don't know any better. When you think it's finally gone, it rears its ugly head again. The mere mention of tracks like "Two Princes" create an earworm so powerful that you're going to need to see an ENT doctor. Forget Chris Barron's scraggly beard; the real problem with the Spin Doctors is their enduring lightweight retro "jam" song legacy on crappy corporate radio. Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in. -Nicholas Pell

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19. The Raconteurs

Formed in the late aughts, The Raconteurs consist of Jack White and some other guys. They call themselves "a new band made from old friends," but it's more accurate to call them "slumming dudes attempting to trick fans of the White Stripes into liking their boring, awful, music." Track "Consoler of the Lonely" repeats the phrase "I am bored to tears" six times, which is only a small fraction of how often everyone else was saying it. -Gabrielle Canon

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18. Oasis

Why is Oasis among the worst? Because Liam Gallagher only plays tambourine and possesses the single most nasal voice in pop. Because "Wonderwall" is pure nonsense. Because they combine simple composition with over-the-top production and pretentious length. "Champagne Supernova," anyone? Because they've been caught ripping off other artists' songs, including Stevie Wonder, The New Seekers, and Neil Innes. Because their backstage altercations always boiled down to sibling rivalry. What's next, hair-pulling and time-outs? But mainly because courting comparisons to the Beatles is always lame, no exceptions. -Anna Westhoff

See also: Liam Gallagher On His Brother Noel: "I'd Rather Eat My Own Shit Than Be In A Band With Him Again"

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