January: At the 11th hour, Perry unearths what she claims is a signed pre-nuptial agreement. Unfortunately the document does not withstand legal scrutiny, seeing that it's smeared with lipstick and mascara, and its only legible line reads "Katy gets everything including my booky-wook collection."February: Her nerves still a mess, Perry breaks out in a rash of facial and neck acne, causing her to loose her Proactiv endorsement. Her status as a sex symbol diminishes considerably, though former beau Travis "Travie" McCoy announces he will gladly take her back.
March: Attempting to distract attention from her skin condition, Perry announces she's begun work on Boobs On A Stick, her new album. Sesame Street promptly invites her back.
April: First Boobs On A Stick single "I Puked On Prom Night" fails to chart, despite its big-budget video which features her re-enacting the There's Something About Mary spermatoza-in-the-bangs gag.
May: Performing on an world tour before a still-strong international audience, Perry shifts away from the Candy Land theme of previous shows. Unfortunately, audiences are left scratching their heads when she appears on a stage decked out like a Scrabble board.