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Cock Rock

Top 20 Hair Metal Albums of All Time: The Complete List

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Fri, Dec 9, 2011 at 3:30 AM

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See also:

*Def Leppard Are a Bunch of Assholes

*Chuck Klosterman's Favorite Hair Metal Albums

One day I was sitting around thinking I want to write a song about ménage a trois...and the line 'love in stereo' came into my head. Inspiration can happen anywhere at any time. -Jani Lane, Hit Parader magazine

History has not been kind to hair metal. The bulk of the Sunset Strip '80s stalwarts have become resigned to touring out-of-the-way clubs before diminishing crowds. But many of us still have a strong passion for this era. In The Wrestler, Mickey Rourke's titular character and Marissa Tomei's reluctant stripper dance to Ratt's "Round And Round" in a dive bar, drinking beers and agreeing on one thing: The '90s sucked.

Lots of us feel that way. The '80s have come back into fashion because people remember it as a halcyon time. The economy was picking up speed and kids were sowing the seeds of their parents' sexual revolution; in the early part of the decade, anyway, you could hook up without worrying about contacting much worse than crabs. Sure it was heyday of the "me" generation -- epitomized by oversexed pop metalers as much as greedy Wall Street traders -- but it also emphasized self-expression and big dreams.

Hair metal represented both our id and our ego - wild, unfettered, and hell-raising in some ways, but deeply conservative and reactionary in others. It didn't stand for political ideals like the punks, or gender boundary-pushing a la British glam acts like David Bowie. It wasn't artsy like the New York Dolls. Many of the acts comfortably shared the radio dial with both Boy George and REO Speedwagon. Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine maintains that "Glam" is an acronym for "Gay L.A. Music," but though they may have dressed like women, the Sunset Strip bands literally shoved their heterosexuality in your face. They eschewed the politics of punk and the existential despair of thrash because they were focused on winning over the chicks.

Hair metal groups made no bones about their intentions, and probably would have laughed at this sentence. In this spirit, then, West Coast Sound presents the top 20 hair metal albums of all time. -Ben Westhoff

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20. Junkyard

Junkyard (1989)

Featuring ex-members of punk groups including Minor Threat and The Big Boys, Junkyard were part of a small contingent of bands who could play both Sunset Strip glam slams and L.A.'s punkier spots. Plenty of other bluesy/punky bands were marketed to the boys-in-makeup scene, but Junkyard actually had the goods. Released on Geffen in '89, Junkyard shone brighter than the rest. Sure, it lacked the compelling severity of Appetite For Destruction, but its looser Southern rock feel made way for the Black Crowes. For what it's worth, "Hollywood" is one of the best odes to the L.A. rocker lifestyle in the '80s ever. -Lina Lecaro

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19. White Lion

Pride (1987)

White Lion didn't have much cock in their rock. Instead, on songs like "When The Children Cried," they traded in the quasi-philosophical. ("No more presidents," they reasoned, "and all the wars will end.") They most excelled, however, on fast-and-squealing tales of teenage lust like "Wait" and "Tell Me." The production, helmed by underrated hair metal architecht Michael Wagener, is nearly perfect, as are the earnest heart spills of frontman Mike Tramp and fret-board gymnastics of guitarist Vito Bratta. Like the best hair metal there's nothing metal about it; it's pure, transcendent pop. -Ben Westhoff

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