Why This Song Sucks

Why This Song Sucks: Beyonce's "Party (Remix)" Featuring J. Cole

Comments (0)


Wed, Nov 2, 2011 at 11:42 AM

[Editor's note: Why This Song Sucks determines why particular tracks blow using science. It appears on West Coast Sound every Wednesday.]

Song: Beyonce's "Party" featuring J. Cole

History: "Party" is the fourth single from Beyonce's fourth studio album, 4. That's three fours in a row, bro. Three. That seems excessive, right? Like, did Beyonce, the good Christian girl that she is, stumble into some Illumanti literature that Jay left out, and want to speak on it but can't because, duh, that's exactly what that albino in the robe (Kanye West, to extend the analogy) is waiting for? The answer: Yes, of course.

Research revealed the following, which seems awfully ominous (play the clip while you read; it helps):

Jesus had four disciples that died when they were 44-year-olds. Also, the translation for the village Jesus was from is "Fournia." Also, also, the manger Jesus was born in was the fourth from the left, and everyone knows that the left isn't right and that "right" is a synonym for correct and HOLY SHIT: JESUS WASN'T RIGHT?! ... THE COUNCIL OF NICEA! ... SOME OLD PAINTINGS! ... THAT WEIRD THING STUCK IN PAUL BETTANY'S LEG! ... OH. MY. GOD: BEYONCE IS TRYING TO TAKE DOWN THE VATICAN!?

click to enlarge Beyonce1.jpg
Or, er, wait.

... eh, nope, never mind.

None of that's true. Fuck. Sorry. It's just a lot of fours.

As a consolation, Kanye West creates the awful phrase "swagu*"

*Note: Not much is revealed about the mysterious swagu, beyond if you have it, it is likely dripping.

Related Content

Now Trending

  • Cannibal Corpse's Frontman Talks About His Nightmares

    The seventh annual Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival goes down Saturday at San Manuel Amphitheater, featuring Avenged Sevenfold, Korn, Asking Alexandria, and others of the extreme music persuasion. None, however, are as extreme as death metal horrorists Cannibal Corpse, who will also be appearing. Vocalist George “Corpsegrinder” Fisher spoke to us...
  • Celebrating Terrorizer's Legacy, 25 Years Later

    Terrorizer’s 1989 debut album World Downfall showcased what would become trademarks of the grindcore genre. That is, extremely short bursts of aggression similar to punk, but amped up by distorted death metal riffs and the fastest blastbeat drumming imaginable, with all of it a backdrop for politically-conscious lyrics. The album is...
  • What Was Hip-Hop's Worst Year? We'll Tell You

    Everyone seems to agree that 1994 was hip-hop's best year. We don't exactly disagree.  But what was hip-hop's worst year? No it's not, as so many stick-in-the-mud hip-hop traditionalists say every year, "this year." In fact, it was, unequivocally, 2008. And here's why.  The Gnarls Barkley Effect As much fun as...
Los Angeles Concert Tickets