Loading...
Why This Song Sucks

Why This Song Sucks: Pitbull's "Give Me Everything"

Comments (0)

By

Wed, Oct 19, 2011 at 9:55 AM

[Editor's note: Why This Song Sucks determines why particular tracks blow using science. It appears on West Coast Sound every Wednesday.]

Song: Pitbull's "Give Me Everything," featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack, Nayer

History: "Give Me Everything" is the second single from Pitbull's Planet Pit, which is a more expensive sounding version of his album that came before that, which is a more expensive sounding version of his album that came before that, which is a more expensive... ^forever.

Atmospherics: "Give Me Everything" is perfect, gorgeous, vapid house-hop. It is what a celebration sounds like. It is what a smile sounds like. It is what glitter sounds like. It is probably what Snooki's vagina is supposed to sound like. It is definitely not what Deena's vagina sounds like. Hers probably sounds like Gwar's "Sick Of You."

Scientific Analysis: It turns out that Pitbull and Daddy Yankee are, in fact, two different people. Like, they're not even brothers. It's already confusing because they're both SouthofNorth Americans and they both favor culos. But for years they've been squished together by the media, subtly advertised as the same person (probably by bastard Republicans to syphon away votes from Democrats). The below screenshot shows that even the facist Youtube is in on these shenanigans.

click to enlarge Pitbull.jpg
But they are not the same person. Wikipedia confirms this. They are wholly separate humans, and should be treated as such.

Meanwhile Ne-Yo, national step champion, is a supernaturally cool crooner. His voice is fabulously rhythmic. He seems warm and kind and smiles the way you want the guy that your daughter brings home to smile. But it appears we've all been fooled by his almond eyes and fashionista pants. The bulk of his contribution here: "Let's do it tonight. Grab somebody sexy, tell them, 'Hey. Give me everything tonight. Give me everything tonight. Give me everything tonight.'"

Kinda pretty much exactly what serial killers think all of the time.

click to enlarge Ne-Yo: 40 Percent More Devious Than Anyone Realized
  • Ne-Yo: 40 Percent More Devious Than Anyone Realized
It's all just a bit too rape-y, really. Not saying Ne-Yo is a criminal, but, you know, just watch when you close your garage door, is all.

Related Content

Now Trending

  • Henry Rollins: Fuck Suicide

    Days after Robin Williams died, I kept seeing his face on the Internet. His death seemed to have a momentum of its own. It went from a sad death of a famous person to “a nation mourns” pitch, which I didn’t quite understand. Sites such as Huffington Post swim in...
    39
  • Tijuana Panthers Are Poised to Break Through

    MDM Studios is located near Glendale, between a gentleman's club and a power plant. At first, it seems like an odd place for garage group Tijuana Panthers to be rehearsing. After all, three dudes who regularly surf near weather-beaten rocks and lush palm trees don't usually come this close to Skid...
  • The Best Concerts to See in L.A. This Week

    Be sure to check out our constantly updated concert calendar! Monday, August 18 Smoke Season ECHOPLEX Gabrielle Wortman is best known as the voice of the electronic combo TEMP3ST, but when she’s paired with Honor Society keyboardist Jason Rosen in side project Smoke Season, she reveals newfound elements of folk...
Los Angeles Concert Tickets

Slideshows