Someone we can't remember once said that a good band name should sound odd at first, but then perfectly natural after that. Kind of like Led Zeppelin, or Smashing Pumpkins. In fact, the great band names from previous generations are far too numerous to list here, but would have to start with monikers like Grateful Dead, Rolling Stones, and The Who, all the way through Yo La Tengo, Pavement, and the Replacements.
Again, it's not that irony is bad. In fact, the greatest group name of all time, Shitty Shitty Band Band, has a strong ironic component to it. Why is it, then, that most band names from the last decade or so -- the pinnacle of human irony -- suck so hard? Let's analyze some of the worst and see if we can't answer that question. (P.S. Yes, we know this isn't a comprehensive list, but these are names that have floated into our inbox recently for whatever reason, and we were so annoyed we had to speak up.)
Crappy band name: Portugal. The Man
Location: Portland. The One In Oregon
Facebook followers: 109,232
Why This Name Sucks: It's obviously an SEO nightmare, but, hey, rapper Game has done alright. Indeed, the fact that this is a quartet and not, in fact, a "Man," is not what really bothers us either. No, the main problem is that you can almost see the shit-eating grins on their faces from incorporating a period into their handle. They clearly believe they broke all of the naming convention rules, just like they presumably believe they're doing in their music.
Crappy band name: I Was Totally Destroying It
Origin: Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Facebook followers: 85
Why This Name Sucks: It's a sentence, and one that fancies itself on the cutting-edge of modernity at that. It's also kind of arrogant. Like, if the truth ever comes out, don't be surprised to learn that these folks weren't destroying it all that much.
Crappy band name: Com Truise
From: Princeton, New Jersey
Facebook followers: 10,164
Why This Name Sucks: The whole "switch the first letters" conceit has been done often, but never more offensively. The problem is that Com Truise is attempting to make fun of that whole conceit, while at the same time being that conceit. That's called hating your own kind.
Crappy band name: The Dear Hunter
From: Providence, Rhode Island
Facebook followers: 18,157
Why This Name Sucks: As far as twee handles go, this one is particularly "fail." It's not just a bad pun; it's the worst pun. But even more than that, it seems to be speaking to some sort of gooey sentiment, like the title character or whatever is searching for someone to love.