Listen up Gringos! Today might be Cinco De Mayo but did you know there's a lot more to the strangely non-English language celebration than rhyming 'Cinco' with 'Drinko'? There is! You see, there's this country called 'Mexico' just south of here, and it turns out Cinco De Mayo actually commemorates something other than the American quest for any excuse to burn off excess liver and brain cells (namely, the defeat of the French Empire on May 5, 1862.)
Sufficiently shamed for your misappropriation of a Mexican holiday? Your penance isn't over yet. If you want to really get in the spirit then you need to know how Mexico is ringing it in, and thanks to a careful, scientific study of their May 5th Top 100, we've put together just the list.
Here's The Top 10 Songs that Mexico is ACTUALLY listening to for Cinco De Mayo. Enjoy.
10) Bésame by Camila
I admit I could only make it about 3 seconds in, but damn, Mexico is really sensitive these days. I feel like I just got hugged... en español!
9) Entre Tus Alas by Camila (feat.) Colbie Caillat
It's so sensitive we hand lotion to keep it from getting chafed.
8) Confienso by OV7
Is it just me, or does this song have the exact same melody as Pop Goes The World by Men Without Hats? (Click to compare!)
7) Lo Mejor De Mi Vida Eres Tú by Ricky Martin with Natalia Jiménez (There's also a version with Joss Stone but we're not subjecting you to it.)
Coming in at number 7 is Ricky Martin's heartfelt tribute to combating racism and intolerance, assisting the afflicted, and shirtless men. I think you'll agree he accomplishes all his goals.
6) Born This Way by Lady Gaga
I thought the theme of this list was going to be Camila, but it looks like it's 'songs that sound like other songs'. On the other hand, goddamn this video is great, even if the narration sounds a lot like all your base are belong to us.
5) A Partir De Hoy by Marco Di Mauro (feat. Maite Perroni)
I haven't been less convinced of romantic tension between dueting singers since Kiki Dee shared the stage with Elton John.
4) Sale El Sol by Shakira
My hips can't lie. I hate this song.
3) The Time (Dirty Bit) by Black Eyed Peas
Jesus, first we stole California and then we exported the Black Eyed Peas. We really need to stop flinging bullshit at Mexico.
2) No Me Voy A Morir by Belanova
Yes, finally. The majority of this countdown has been dreck but coming in at number 2 is the hippest thing to come out of Mexico since Santa Anna left his leg in Veracruz. I fucking love Belanova, and while it's not their best song I'm ecstatic they edged out the Black Eyed Peas. Good work guys.
1) Me Río De Ti by Gloria Trevi
And at number one this week, it's Abba's first Spanish language hit since Fernando back in 197- wait, you say this isn't ABBA? Oh that's embarrassing. For Gloria Trevi, I mean.