It's that time of the year, the time when the imploding music industry gathers to display their astonishing cluelessness by nominating a bunch of hacks, flashes-in-the-pan, and old people that have done their best work 40 years ago as "the best music of the year."
Yup--Grammy season has begun.
Here's a handy Top 20 List of the Most Ridiculous Grammy 2010 Nominations:
20. Best Pop Instrumental Album: Heart and Soul, Kenny G
19. Best Rock Album: Emotion and Commotion, Jeff Beck
18. Best New Artist: Florence & The Machine (new? dear Florence has be toiling around with this material since 2007!)
17. Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group With Vocals: "Don't Stop Believin' (Regionals Version)" The Glee Cast. (O, Karaoke, what have you brought upon us...)
16. Best Pop Instrumental Performance: "Orchestral Intro," Gorillaz (this is just perverse--it's just the throaway intro track to Plastic Beach!)
15. Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance: "Crossroads," John Mayer
14. Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance: "Helter Skelter" (live in New York), Paul McCartney (Helter fucking Skelter in 2010????--ok, now they're just messing with us)
13. Best Metal Performance: "Let The Guilt Go," Korn
12. Best Rap Song: "Empire State of Mind," Jay-Z (what? this track is so 2009 it's not even arguable otherwise--WTF?)
11. Best Female Country Performance: "Satisfied," Jewel (first she's the best-selling American poet of the 90s and now she's taking over Nashville? Is anybody gonna stop this one-hit yodeler at some point?)
10. Best New Age Album: Sacred Journey of Ku-Kai, Volume 4, by Kitaro (Kitaro is still around? Making sequels? Is there a virtual dollar-bin in the e-commerce world?)
9. Best New Age Album: Instrumental Oasis, Volume 4, by Zamora (a challenger arises! Note to self: look into corruption at the Grammy New Age Category--is there a nefarious group of one-name artists that will keep releasing sequels every year just for Grammy nomination purposes? Do they meet at a tiki bar to plot?)