Air-Guitar God: Greg Behrendt Rattles On
Comic Greg Behrendt frets about getting older, but the dude can still play the shit out of an air guitar. He also plays in a band called Black Rattle, terrifying toddlers with heavy-metal versions of children’s songs. Someday soon, his two young daughters will be enormously embarrassed by him.
L.A. Weekly: Behrendt — what kind of name is that?
The kind with unnecessary consonants. I should have changed it to Dane Cook when I had the chance; we’d be doing this interview in a stadium right now.
Aren’t you a little too good-looking to be a comic?
You need to meet more men.
Give us a teaser about the new material — what’s on your mind these days?
I’ve been talking about honesty and sex. I tell people, if you are gonna have the “dirty talk,” be honest about it. Don’t say something you heard in an adult feature or something you think the person wants to hear, because it will read as false. I was having sex with a woman years ago, and she said, “Oh Greg, you are so huge!” And I was like, “Well, then someone else is in there, ’cause I’m not. I’m a good guy, I’ve got a lot of hustle, I’ll even call you back — but I’m not huge!”
You talk about getting older — what kind of old man do you think you will be?
Probably the kind with an enviable collection of cardigans and porkpie hats.
Any plans to adopt an African orphan?
Not until we get premium cable.
Have you seen the Sex and the City movie? What did you think?
The only thing that could have made that movie better is Iron Man.
Do your kids think you’re cool?
My kids think I’m the shit. They also paint with their fingers ... they’re in their early 20s.
If you had your own sitcom about your life, what would it be like?
Awful ... so it would probably run for 10 years and in every episode I’d either lose my keys or the love of my family.
How much damage has Black Rattle caused children?
Untold numbers of children have had their sensibilities slain by our molten lullabies.
Where do you go in L.A. to be seen?
On top of my children’s swing set.
Greg Behrendt performs at the Improv, 8162 Melrose Ave., W. Hlywd.; Fri., June 13, 8 p.m.; Sat., June 14, 8 & 10 p.m.; $20 — a portion of the ticket sales benefits the Wendy Zocks Sun Protection Fund for Melanoma Research. (323) 651-2583.
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