Saturday, Nov. 16 was "National Fast Food Day," which might have been confusing if you live in America, where every day seems to be fast food day. Nevertheless, we thought it was important to mark the occasion of this day -- and every day, really -- not with cards, gifts, or an awkward phone call, but with an exploration of eleven McDonald's "hacks" that will change the way you order from the most popular fast food chain on Earth, while making you appear more attractive and sexually capable to the opposite sex.
Ready to step up your drive-thru game? Here are some of our favorite tips for maximizing your McDonald's experience:
11. Order Any Burger with a "Steamed Bun"
McDonald's has just one sandwich in its entire lineup with a bun that's a little different than the others. Unlike the fake brown griddle-marks on every other burger, the Filet o' Fish comes on a steamed bun, all hot and fluffy and soft. It's almost enough to trick your brain into thinking that what you're eating is fresh, real food -- so go ahead and ask for a "steamed bun" as a substitution on your favorite burger. And if the dead-eyed teenager at McDonald's tells you they "can't do that," you tell them that we said that they're lying.
10. Make "The McGangbang"
Listen, we didn't come up with the name. This abomination can trace its Internet history all the way back to the very early McDonald's hacking days of Vasco da Gama. But you have to admit that the name aptly describes the somewhat violent and perhaps not altogether consensual insertion of an entire McChicken sandwich into the middle of a double cheeseburger. Eaten whole, it's Dollar Menu hacking at its best, where two ridiculously inexpensive items are used to create something entirely new, more satisfying, and more likely to kill you than anything else on the full-price menu.
9. Ask for a "Round Egg" on Your Breakfast Sandwich
McDonald's eggs come in four forms. There's the pseudo-scrambled folded egg packet that gets made from a bright yellow powdered mix. The scrambled eggs in the burrito and the "Big Breakfast" share the same origins. There are the irregular shards of egg white from the "Egg White Delight." Finally, there's the real deal: The so-called "Round Egg," as seen on your standard-issue McMuffin, which is an honest-to-goodness real egg, cracked into a round mold and cooked on a flattop. But did you know that you can ask for a "round egg" to be used on ANY breakfast sandwich you'd like? Try one on a "Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Biscuit," then feel free to leave a note expressing your gratitude in the comments.