Food Lists

5 Packaged Food Fails: Who Thought These Were Good Ideas?

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Tue, Jul 16, 2013 at 6:00 AM

There are some pretty nasty things out there in the grocery stores of America: breakfast cereals you'd never have eaten even as a sugar-addled 7-year-old, tinned meats, caffeinated beef jerky. And yet, very little of what's on the shelf today compares with some of the monstrous fails perpetrated on us in the past, most of them by some of America's most beloved brand names. Thankfully all of these products have gone the way of the dodo bird. But we thought it would be worth taking a look into the past at the hilariously bad ideas people making more money than you do came up with over the years. Turn the page for five of the worst packaged foods of all time.

click to enlarge Screenshot from a commercial for Life Savers Holes - YOUTUBE.COM
  • youtube.com
  • Screenshot from a commercial for Life Savers Holes

5. Life Savers Holes

Perhaps looking to capitalize on the (somewhat unfathomable) popularity of doughnut holes, Life Savers decided to roll out Life Savers holes -- little nubs of candy meant to be the offcast centers of the Life Saver. There is a rumor out there that the inventor of Life Savers made them the shape they are because his daughter choked on a candy, hoping the hole in a Life Saver would keep the same from happening to other children. It's not true, but Life Savers holes did seem kind of strangely perfect for choking on. Whether it was because of this or just because the whole thing was totally dumb, they didn't last.

click to enlarge Orbitz Water - VIA WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

4. Orbitz Water

Made by Clearly Canadian, Orbitz was introduced as a "texturally enhanced alternative beverage." In other words, it had weird little goo balls floating in it. It was like a drinkable lava lamp. One of the flavors (pineapple banana cherry coconut) had blue liquid and colored balls, the others were clear. There was even a chocolate flavor. So you'd drink it and then wind up with a mouth full of jelly balls you had to chew. So yeah. It didn't last very long.

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