Alcohol & Spirits

A Consideration of Whiskey Dick

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Fri, May 18, 2012 at 11:21 AM
click to enlarge Seven Grand's rye Manhattan - ANNE FISHBEIN
  • Anne Fishbein
  • Seven Grand's rye Manhattan

I might be oversimplifying here, but when it comes to sex, there are two kinds of people: the kind who like using a lubricant, and the kind who don't. If you are in the second camp, feel free to move on.

If you're in the first, tell me this: To what extent is TASTE an important consideration? I ask because inevitably it becomes an issue (unless you have sex with your mouth closed). So do your preferences fall, say, more toward herbal or fruity? Appetizer or dessert? Chocolate or vanilla? Is the flavor of your edible personal lubricant a main course, or is it more like a condiment, a garnish for your edible underwear? Or do you prefer your edible personal lubricant to resemble a beverage? In my entire professional life I have never asked so many personal lubricant questions in a row.

But I ask because I have been presented with a sample of Whiskey Dick, the world's first whiskey-flavored personal lubricant, and I don't know how to feel.

I am not surprised that this product is brought to you by Harley Morenstein of EpicMealTime.com, a meat-centric, vegan-agitating, self-proclaimed YouTube phenomenon based in Montreal. Nor am I surprised that it was developed by Justin and Dave ("J&D"), a bacon-obsessed pair who, having already created bacon salt and a thing called Baconnaise, had a eureka moment for which they were uniquely qualified: They called it Baconlube, the first bacon-flavored personal lubricant. If I had to guess, Whiskey Dick is the result of another eureka moment (involving whiskey, surely) in which one or the other concluded that the only thing better than drunken sex was drunken sex with enhanced flavor. I am really just guessing. It is hard to put myself inside the mind of whoever thought this up -- without getting a little queasy.

Whiskey Dick smells and tastes an awful lot like Jack Daniels; however you may want to have a glass of Jack Daniels on hand to get the taste out of your mouth. Who knows? It might hit the spot. There's only one way to find out.

Patrick Comiskey, our drinks columnist, blogs at patrickcomiskey.com and tweets at @patcisco. Have a spirits question for a future column? Ask him.

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