12 Noon to Midnight: Don't Drink This Now!

Comments (0)


Tue, Oct 18, 2011 at 1:00 PM
click to enlarge 12 Noon to Midnight: Be afraid. Be very afraid.
  • 12 Noon to Midnight: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

When a libation comes along trying so desperately to be chic and using more food-industry clichés than the most purple press release, we have to give it a shot. 12 Noon to Midnight (or 12NtM as the kid's aren't calling it) is "all natural," "chef crafted" and "a signature part of your lifestyle." Okay, but what is it? A fizzy non-alcoholic drink meant to be sipped, but only between noon and midnight, at brunches and sophisticated cocktail parties. Made from a "blend of herbs, spices, fruit juices and organic teas," it sounds like an 8-year-old's idea of a grown-up drink. Just throw everything in! With no commitment to any flavor profile whatsoever, 12 Noon to Midnight achieves a rare simultaneous feat: it's noxious yet utterly bland. Like Fresca with bathroom cleanser.

Wait, this is fancy stuff. It's sold in Whole Foods. It comes in a snazzy translucent bottle. It even got a write-up in The New York Times, which dubbed it a "sophisticated non-alcoholic quaff," "a refreshing newcomer" and "a delectable partner for ripe melon." Wow. Either there's heroin in the Gray Lady's water supply or the wall between advertising and editorial has been bulldozed to smithereens.

12NtM comes in two flavors, Blanc and Rouge. We sipped -- rather, we tried to sip -- a bottle of Blanc at a recent brunch, spontaneously hosting an impromptu tasting panel of expert drinkers (read: friends). The results? Universal loathing.

-- "no commitment to any flavor profile whatsoever"

-- "It tastes like something melted."

-- "Yes, like melted Glade air freshener."

-- "I'm getting a Lysol sort of thing in the back of my throat."

-- "bland yet vaguely medicinal"

-- "I'm not sure why I feel compelled to finish this glass. Oh, right. Because we paid for it."

-- "Terrible. I wouldn't touch this stuff again."

-- "like Orange Glow filled with seltzer"

-- "That is some bad shit!!!"

Indeed. We didn't get around to mixing it with alcohol. Why sully good booze with this crap?

Totally apart from its redundant name (if it's "noon," we don't need the "12") and atrocious ad copy, 12 Noon to Midnight is the most hideous, ill conceived beverage we have tried in half a decade, and that includes the time a friend's 8-year-old niece played bartender with mixers from a party held years before she was born.

[@elinashatkin / eshatkin@laweekly.com]

Related Content

Now Trending


  • Malibu Pier Restaurant and Bar
    Malibu Pier Restaurant and Bar, with chef Jason Fullilove at the helm, is in the two buildings at the pier’s entrance that used to be Beachcomber Cafe and Ruby’s Diner. Those buildings, which have been overhauled completely, reflect both the pier’s 109-year-old history and the cultural import of Malibu itself.
  • The Tasting Menu Trend
    In Los Angeles especially, but increasingly across the country, restaurants are either switching to tasting menus, putting a greater focus on a tasting-menu option (while offering à la carte items as well), or opening as tasting-menu operations from day one. The format that used to be the calling card of only the fanciest of restaurants is becoming ubiquitous, even at places where the waiter calls you “dude” and there isn’t a white tablecloth in sight.
  • Milo's Kitchen: A Treat Truck for Dogs
    Milo's Kitchen, a part of California-based Big Heart Pet Brands, is taking its homestyle dog treats on the road this summer with the "Treat Truck." The dogified food truck is making stops all over the country, ending up in New York early September. The truck stopped at Redondo Beach Dog Park Friday morning entertaining the pups with treats, a photo-booth and play zone. Milo's Kitchen Treat Truck offered samples of the line's six flavors, all with chicken or beef as the first ingredient, and all made in the U.S.A. with no artificial colors or preservatives. All photos by Nanette Gonzales.