There's Got To Be A Morning After: Breakfast For The Apocalypse

Comments (0)


Wed, May 11, 2011 at 3:10 PM
click to enlarge Mountain House breakfast skillet. - GUZZLE & NOSH

We don't, for a second, believe in huckster Harold Camping's prophecy that May 21st will be Judgment Day, but we're kind of hoping he's right. See, we're planning a long weekend getaway, and if the Rapture arrives, our editor says we can have those days off-the-books. If it does arrive, here's how we'll be brunching, post-apocalypse style.

Mountain House: Breakfast Skillet
Mountain House, whose beef stroganoff (not bad) and spaghetti (blech) we reviewed yesterday, makes a credible breakfast skillet. It's a mush of dehydrated eggs, potatoes, sausage and kibble with flecks of bell pepper and a fake smoky tinge. The "eggs" have the texture of a damp sponge and the potatoes have no potato flavor, but the bits of "meat" kibble actually taste like sausage. Norm's, Denny's, et al. have nothing to worry about, but the whole shebang is a tolerable approximation of diner breakfast hash, especially when compared to the huevos rancheros from Backpacker's Pantry.

click to enlarge "Huevos rancheros" by Backpacker's Pantry. - GUZZLE & NOSH

We don't expect freeze-dried food to actually taste good, but we also don't expect it to taste like vomitous bile. We added the recommended 1.25 cups of water to the package of yellow-orange powder and dried beans. We waited the recommended 10 minutes. Instead of a mush approximating eggs and beans, we got a watery, chemical soup that looked -- and tasted -- like someone had already eaten, digested and thrown it back up. Not simply one of the worst freeze-dried foods, but one of the worst things we have ever eaten. If this is post-apocalypse cuisine, we might have to start going to church.

Related Content


Now Trending


  • Malibu Pier Restaurant and Bar
    Malibu Pier Restaurant and Bar, with chef Jason Fullilove at the helm, is in the two buildings at the pier’s entrance that used to be Beachcomber Cafe and Ruby’s Diner. Those buildings, which have been overhauled completely, reflect both the pier’s 109-year-old history and the cultural import of Malibu itself.
  • The Tasting Menu Trend
    In Los Angeles especially, but increasingly across the country, restaurants are either switching to tasting menus, putting a greater focus on a tasting-menu option (while offering à la carte items as well), or opening as tasting-menu operations from day one. The format that used to be the calling card of only the fanciest of restaurants is becoming ubiquitous, even at places where the waiter calls you “dude” and there isn’t a white tablecloth in sight.
  • Milo's Kitchen: A Treat Truck for Dogs
    Milo's Kitchen, a part of California-based Big Heart Pet Brands, is taking its homestyle dog treats on the road this summer with the "Treat Truck." The dogified food truck is making stops all over the country, ending up in New York early September. The truck stopped at Redondo Beach Dog Park Friday morning entertaining the pups with treats, a photo-booth and play zone. Milo's Kitchen Treat Truck offered samples of the line's six flavors, all with chicken or beef as the first ingredient, and all made in the U.S.A. with no artificial colors or preservatives. All photos by Nanette Gonzales.