When naming an indie rock band, going with Free Beer seems like a clever marketing move. It certainly has built in marquee appeal and will for sure bring in the crowds. No telling how they'll react when there isn't any beer though. But when it comes to a restaurant, something simple and to the point can actually work against you. Smart phones can't figure out what your business is up to, GPS map searches get confused, and the SEO factor is pretty low.
So for all you burgeoning restaurateurs and frustrated tech users, here is our list of the 5 least-Google-friendly (non Googleable?) restaurants in L.A. Take note and then take notes, if you ever want to find them, that is. We suddenly miss the good old-fashioned Yellow Pages.5. LA Market: On the lookout for this Hell's-Kitchen-winner-helmed hotel lobby restaurant? You may be able to find a grocery store; the nearby, and well established lunch spot named Market or a fashion warehouse more easily. Considering the pedigree, they might as well have called it "Reality Show Restaurant, Downtown, Southern, For Tourists." Longer, and yet oddly more succinct. 900 West Olympic Boulevard, Los Angeles; (213) 765-8600.
4. 24/7: Trying to find this Standard Hotel diner online mostly yields links to an HBO mini-series about boxing. Which doesn't help our appetites. Other fun results include: a traffic school, a complete list of all the competing 24-hour restaurants in LA and a media company specializing in - among other things - web optimization. That just makes us laugh. 550 South Flower Street, Los Angeles; (213) 439-3030.
3. Bar Kitchen: We have yet to figure out the perfect combination of words to locate this joint, brought to you by the extra awesome Alex Day and David Kaplan of Death and Co. Confusing the matter, there are actually three similarly named Bar Kitchen's in town. (Insert head shaking.) Well, should you be able to find them, you can feel confident ordering anything off the cocktail menu and you have to try the bacon wrapped dates. Mmm... 819 S. Flower Street, Lo Angeles; (213) 623-9904.
2. Local: This one actually managed to crash our phone's GPS on three separate occasions. It didn't care what we said, it wasn't having any of it. All it wanted was to give us a weather report. (75 degrees and sunny.) We really hope this doesn't happen to anyone else, since we sincerely love them and their mission... and the Vegetarian Reuben is amongst our favorite sandwiches in town. 2943 West Sunset Blvd., Silverlake; (323) 662-4740.1. Food: Sure, it's a super-fantastic little breakfast and lunch place on Pico, but if you don't know where it is, you might get stuck trying to think of any additional words that your search engine can glom on to. We were offered links to the Food Network, King Taco (?) and Food 4 Less long before this neighborhood favorite appeared. Maybe try Food restaurant? Food Restaurant West LA? Sigh. 10571 W Pico Blvd, Los Angeles; (310) 441-7770.
We can't wait to see how this all goes with Ink when it opens. We're already practicing clandestinely typing while driving: Voltajio Voltaglio Voltaggio...
Curious about the runners up? Public Kitchen, 23, Kitchen 24, Craft, Forage, Good, Cut and the recently closed Eat.