I'd Like a Black Eye, Please: Secret Fast Food Menus | Squid Ink | Los Angeles | Los Angeles News and Events | LA Weekly
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Fast Food

I'd Like a Black Eye, Please: Secret Fast Food Menus

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Tue, Aug 25, 2009 at 2:48 PM

click to enlarge Suicide on a bun. - SAMANTHA SPANOS
  • Samantha Spanos
  • Suicide on a bun.
In a town that elevates VIP treatment to a level that, at the very least, approaches absurdity, it makes sense that the rest of us would want a taste of it too. The easiest, and cheapest, way to be special and in-the-know? Ordering secret (and not-so-secret) off-menu stuff at fast-food joints. Full disclosure: the off-menu items contained herein cannot all be personally attested to by this author, so when you sidle up to the counter, casually ask for a "Suicide" at Burger King, and are met with a blank stare, you're on your own. (4 meat patties, 4 slices of cheese, bacon and sauce on a sesame seed bun.)

click to enlarge You animal! - SERIOUS EATS-COREY JONES
In-N-Out

  • Animal-style burgers & fries:
  • But they don't say, for instance, that fries too, can be ordered "Animal-style," which is to say, with pickles, sauce and grilled onions.

  • Grilled Cheese:
  • You can order a "grilled cheese" (cheeseburger, hold the meat) and cheese fries too.

  • Flying Dutchman:
  • Two beef patties and two slices of cheese on a bun.

  • Neopolitan Shake:
  • They'll also make a Neapolitan shake (as will Wendy's, Fatburger, and McDonald's).

  • Lemon-Up:
  • You can wash everything down with a "Lemon-up," a mixture of Lemonade and 7-Up. So evidently, there are still ins and outs to uncover.

click to enlarge The Fat Fatburger - FRANK P., PICASA CREATIVE COMMONS
  • Frank P., Picasa Creative Commons
  • The Fat Fatburger

Fatburger

Fatburger has a few secrets in its bag of burgers too.

  • Spanish-style burgers & fries:
  • "Spanish-style" means a fried egg on top, and though who knows why you'd want to, you can order a burger or fries this way.

  • Hypocrite:
  • If you like your hypocrisy straight up, go ahead and order a "Hypocrite," or a Veggie burger, topped with Bacon. For bonus points, hold the mayo, order a diet coke and dump some sugar in.

  • Chili-Cheese Onion Rings:
  • For the real non-conformists among you, chili-cheese onion rings... Because chili cheese fries are so 2005. They'll also add more artery-clogging goodness to any burger in the form of a layer of fries, fat or skinny, sandwiched between the buns.

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