LA Weekly

“There is something uneasy in the Los Angeles air,” Joan Didion wrote about the Santa Ana winds that blow through our flammable canyons. To imagine Los Angeles is to imagine its demise, by fire, by earthquake or by flood, by millenialist uprising or by alien attack, by anarchy or by corporatist takeover. Impermanence is written on our greatest buildings, which allow the outside in like sovereigns submitting to their occupiers, and most of our oldest structures, the souvenirs of  ancient Spanish rule, have at one time or another been reduced to low piles of stones before they are rebuilt. Some of us have earthquake kits in our basements, essential papers packed into fireproof boxes, and contingency plans for our grandparents’ frozen heads. Some of us plan to party like it’s 2099. And then there’s the matter of the last day of the Last Days.

Or as the wise sages of Def Leppard once posited: “Armageddon it! . . . Oh, are you getting it?”

Game Over By GENDY ALIMURUNG
Quakes, asteroids, mass extinction — when the end comes, will it come from below, above or within?



Best Place to Sing Karaoke and Pick Up Chicks With Mr. Belding By MATTHEW FLEISCHER
Dimples


Life in the Last Lane By LIBBY MOLYNEAUX
From Zero to 80 in 24 hours


Most Fabulous Dance Club Masquerading as a Tough-Guy Dive By MATTHEW FLEISCHER
The Study


Best Cocktail Dip By SOPHIA KERCHER
Rooftop Bar at the Standard Downtown


Best Spinning Top By DANIEL HERNANDEZ
Bona Vista Lounge at the Bonaventure


Best Rapture By DANI KATZ
Babeland Sex Shoppe


Best Place to Get Your Smooch On By SOPHIA KERCHER
Echo Park Lake


Why Don't We Do It in the Dirt? By RENA KONSETT
Top 10 e-mail responses to the question, “Where would you have your last lay in apocalyptic L.A.?”


Best Way to Get Ripped By JUDITH LEWIS
Get Waxed!


Best Pit Stop in Purgatory By SOPHIA KERCHER
Cha Cha Lounge


Best Last Dances By GENDY ALIMURUNG
Vivo Dancesport


Riding Out the Apocalypse By TERRENCE E. DUNN
Where to catch the last wave


Queens of the New Ice Age By GENDY ALIMURUNG
East West Ice Palace versus Aliso Viejo Ice Palace


Best Westside Happy Hour By LONN FRIEND
Kay ’n Dave’s Fresh Mex Cantina


Best Tidal Refuge By ELLA TAYLOR
Infuzion Café


The Last Days of Disco By LINA LECARO
Nightranger’s welcome to the jungle


No-Escape Best Looting On the Eve of Destruction By LINDA IMMEDIATO
Crossbows, medical pot and American Apparel


The Last Laugh By STEVEN MIKULAN
The Groundlings


Best Whey Out By JONATHAN GOLD
Ludobites at Breadbar

Best Escape From L.A. By CRAIG GAINES
The Amtrak Pacific Surfliner


Best Escape Vittles By RENA KOSNETT
Snake, gator and other edible critters at Charlie Brown Farms


Best Offshore Radio Activity By DAVID COTNER
KISL 88.7 FM Island Radio


So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish By JONATHAN GOLD
Just another perfect day


Best Place to Stop and Smell the Roses By COURTNEY LEAR
Exposition Park Rose Garden


Best Smell to Remember By DAVID COTNER
See’s Candy Factory


Best Temple of Earthly Delights By DAVID COTNER
The Mayan


Best Cat's Cradle By DAVID COTNER
Lucy at Skylight Books


God in an Alcove By DAVID COTNER
Clifton’s Cafeteria


Best Way to Get All the Way Through Moby-Dick in a Weekend By JUDITH LEWIS
Venice Oceanarium Beach Reading


Grandma's Attic By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS
Counterpoint Records and Books


Biggest Fuck You, L.A. By DANI KATZ
Or 108 seconds during which you will pray, bargain and beg for the apocalypse


Last Wet Dream By STEVEN MIKULAN
Arthur J. Will Memorial Fountain


Raw Power By DANI KATZ
Best Belly Fillers for the Ascension


Best Five Inches of Pure Beef By LONN FRIEND
The Wiener Factory


Best of the Wurst By DAVID COTNER
Schreiner’s Fine Sausages


The Last Supper (or Breakfast or Lunch) By STEVEN MIKULAN
Philippe the Original


The Mission Position By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS
San Gabriel and San Fernando missions


Best Griffith Park Alternative By CRAIG GAINES
Kenneth Hahn Park


Best Lookout Point By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS
Mulholland Trail


Best Westside Meditation Spot By LONN FRIEND
Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine Temple


Cod Almighty By JOE DONNELLY
Best Fish Taco in Ensenada


Best Diversion Strategy By N.R. JENSSEN
Game Empire


Best Escape From the Eastside By DANIEL HERNANDEZ
Venice, Beatch!


She... Had to Leave... By GENDY ALIMURUNG
Going home to suburbia — Walnut, California


Look Homeward, Angeleno By ALAN RICH
Glimpses of a well-lived life





Shop Till Everybody Drops By PANDORA YOUNG
What the well-equipped survivalist will be wearing


Drinking in Wisdom (and Reishi Spores) With Captain Truth By DANI KATZ
The Tonic Bar at Erewhon Natural Foods Market


Dogged Pursuit By CRAIG GAINES
Free franks at the White Horse


Best Revival of an Extinct Fashion Species By DANI KATZ
Stronghold Jeans


Best Concierge Service for Slackers (and Their Spoiled Dogs) By JUDITH LEWIS
Complete Concierge


Best Place to Watch Other Species Live in Peace and Harmony By LONN FRIEND
The Aquarium of the Pacific


The Bionico Man By DANIEL HERNANDEZ
Placita Café


Best Wake-Up Call By DANI KATZ
Urth Caffé’s Japanese Tea Latte


Watching the Apocalypse By DAVID COTNER
Cinefile


Best Emergency Protein By JONATHAN GOLD
Beef Jerky from A&Z’s Nut Wagon


Best Chocolate Bliss By DANI KATZ
The Chocolate Box Café


Best Message in a Bottle By DAVID COTNER
Broguiere’s Dairy


Best Sources for Building a Vintage Sound System By N.R. JENSSEN
A Vinyl Revival


Lost Path to Shangri-la By DANI KATZ
The bridge at Lower Topanga’s Rodeo Grounds


Best Car Wash for Meeting Girls By LONN FRIEND
Americana Express Car Wash & Detail


Best Extinction Experts By GENDY ALIMURUNG
The Dinosaur Institute


Hot Mango! By STEVEN LEIGH MORRIS
Farm Fresh Ranch Market


Best Yogurt for Your Health By CHRISTINE PELISEK
Real. Raw. Live.


The Arms (and Legs) Race By DAVID COTNER
Human Designs Prosthetic and Orthotic Laboratory


Best Soup Dumpling By JONATHAN GOLD
Mei Long Village


Best Pet Love for Pound Pups By LINDA IMMEDIATO
Catts & Doggs


Best Way to Live in the Past By N.R. JENSSEN
Victory Station slot cars


Best Way to Kill Time By N.R. JENSSEN
Origami books from Kinokuniya Bookstore


Best Underground Movie Viewing By N.R. JENSSEN
Ahmanson Auditorium at MOCA


Above It All By RENA KOSNETT
Universal City Overlook


Best Fizz By JONATHAN GOLD
Wine Expo