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Your Guide to Eating the 2011 NBA Finals

If his television appearances are any indication, Dirk Nowitzki's favorite dish is the white mouthguard he constantly bares and chews over the course of a game. Judging by his deft shooting (even in the face of Miami's rigorous defensive efforts, an injured finger, and a sinus infection) the large German is hungry--for a championship.

If you've seen Lebron play an exhausting round of horse for a mere sack of McDonald's, you'll know that Miami is also hungry. But which team is hungrier? The series is 3-2 in favor of Dallas.

Game 6 is Sunday evening, an hour or so before dinner time. As you sit down to watch, you might be hungry too. Perhaps you would benefit from our team-themed menu suggestions...

Welcome to Miami. Have a cuba libre or a mojito. Maybe you could add a few drops of whatever Kool-Aid the "experts" were sipping when they wrote this series off after one game. Have a wedge of key lime pie, but use matzoh for the crust in honor of the half-million Jewish folks who call Miami home. Also, enjoy a toasted Cuban sandwich stacked with roast pork, ham, Swiss cheese, mustard, and pickles. An alternative would be to consume nothing in tribute to body-conscious South Beach club-going types who take staying trim to obsessive extremes.

Your Guide to Eating the 2011 NBA Finals
hervioletsky/flickr

Howdy, you like Dallas. First of all, you need a huge blonde-hued pretzel with extra salt to represent Dirk's Germanitude. Everything's bigger in Texas, even pretzels. You'll probably want a Budweiser to go with that. This isn't a metaphor or anything, but just as one star cannot win a championship without consistent support, a meal is not complete without some quality side dishes. Texas is barbecue country, so some brisket or beef ribs would make sense. Think outside the styrofoam though. What about a selection of globe-trotting sides to represent the unutilized or ineffective non-citizens riding the Dallas pine? Peja Stojaković's jumpshot is fading like the Cheshire Cat, but imagine some tlačenica (head cheese) sharing a three-sectioned plate with a brick of cassoulet for French reserve center Ian Mahinmi and accras (cod fritters) to represent Guadaloupe, the birthplace of injured shooting guard Rodrigue Beaubouis.

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