Top 5 Worst Thanksgiving Side Dishes
Sweet potatoes, half-mashed.
4. Corn Pudding: Corn is good and all, but fresh corn is not usually putting its best kernel forward come late November. And on a holiday where sticks of the yellow stuff [editor's note: that would be butter, although this is kind of a Kubrick moment here] drop like bodies in a World War II flick, there are infinitely better butter-delivery systems than a dense thick slab of this. Maybe add macaroni and cheese and take away the corn and egg?
mary w. e./flickr
3. Oyster Stuffing: Our stepmom does this pretty well, but we've had some stinkers: A mealy specimen riddled with celery chunks and studded with whole, slippery, canned oysters seemingly the size of deflated tires. We don't mind a brined bird, but we cannot suffer a brined stuffing that smells like the floor of a grubby fish market.
2. Green Bean Casserole: No, we're not bagging on the fried onions. Those canned wonders are this dish's redeeming quality. Some Campbell's-doused green beans oven-bludgeoned to the point where they're olive-colored and softer than Wonder bread? We'd actually rather eat turkey.
Green Bean Casserole
1. Turkey: Yeah, we know it's not a side, but we'd still like it to disappear -- and not necessarily under a blanket of gravy. Unless a whole bird is fried or smoked or it's dismembered and the parts made into mole, confit and so forth, turkey pales (literally) in comparison to dozens of other meats that ought to replace it, in no small part because the turkey most people gulp down bears no resemblance to the lean, flavorful wild bird a Pilgrim would have capped with a blunderbuss. Why not a platter of roasted quail, a suckling pig, a whole salmon or prime rib? You could make all the gnarly sides you wanted and guests wouldn't even pretend to eat them.
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