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Top 5 Food T-Shirts That Don't Cost $85 and Aren't Designed by Alexander Wang

Dire Brew
Dire Brew
Tee Fury

Hot coffee became haute coffee as Starbucks debuted a line of high-fashion t-shirts designed by the likes of Sophie Theallet, Billy Reid and Alexander Wang. The ugliest of the shirts, which cost $85 apiece, is undoubtedly the Wang creation. The theoretically unisex shirt features "a coffee spill illusion of the iconic Starbucks Siren" i.e. an ugly brown splotch running down the left side of the shirt. Squint and you'll notice the Starbucks logo near the midriff.

Perhaps you prefer food-themed shirts that are a touch less self-important or at least ones that don't make you look like a victim of the coffee-ring effect. Here are five shirts from Tee Fury, our newest daily addiction. Sadly, these shirts are less accessible than the Starbucks high-fashion designer line. Tee Fury releases one shirt per day, and after that day, it's gone. We're told they never do reprints. Brilliant and evil, no?

Best Served Cold...
Best Served Cold...
Tee Fury

5. Best Served Cold

This mashup of the Brian DePalma thriller Carrie with the classic Campbell's soup can would turn Warhol red with envy that he didn't think of the idea. The story of a mousy girl, bullied by her hyper-religious mom and taunted with tampons by her classmates, begins innocently enough, but turns satisfyingly sinister when she uses her telekinetic powers to wreak vengeance on her tormentors. Revenge, unlike soup, is a dish best served cold.

Infinite Bacon
Infinite Bacon
Tee Fury

4. Infinite Bacon

If someone invented this, we would buy it. In a heartbeat. Are you listening, scientists? We know you're busy racing to cure cancer and develop ever better boner pills, but if you could work on transforming crisp, perfectly fried bacon into an infinite loo, we'd appreciate it. Mmmmkay, thx.

Canned Zombie
Canned Zombie
Tee Fury

2. Bacon & Eggs

Ron Swanson is to Parks & Rec as Jack Donaghy is to 30 Rock: charming, comically hyper-masculine, meat-loving, right-wingers who upstage the stars of their show in just about every scene they're in. This shirt references the legendary episode where a dazed Ron, after discovering his favorite steakhouse has closed and receiving a charred hunk of flesh masquerading as a steak at some pitiable coffee shop, tells the waiter, "Bring me all the bacon and eggs you have. No, wait. I worry that what you just heard was: Bring me a lot of bacon and eggs. I want you to bring me all the bacon and eggs you have." Ron, you had us at bacon.

Bacon & Eggs
Bacon & Eggs
Tee Fury

1. Dire Brew

There may not be enough Dire Brew in all of Westeros to slake Tyrion Lannister's thirst, but this local, artisanal craft beer made from hops hand-picked by slaves of the Dothraki, this crisp, medium-bodied lager has caramel and toffee malt aromas with an undertone of toasted bread. Perfect for pairing with raw heart of a stallion.

[@elinashatkin / eshatkin@laweekly.com]


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