Top 10 Food-Related Onion Headlines

The Onion, for those that don't know, is a satirical newspaper reporting fake stories on a wide range of worldly topics -- and often the best part about reading those stories is the headlines. In fact, it's precisely why following them on Twitter is so much fun ("Online University Cracks Down On Rowdy Online Fraternity"). So in honor of these often brilliant fake news titles, we present to you our Top 10 Food-Related Onion Headlines. Just turn the page.

Top 10 Food-Related Onion Headlines
The Onion

10. Food Critic's Wife Makes The Best Lasagna She Possibly Can

We'd like to think that food critics don't get too analytical with their wives' cooking, but we suppose you never know.

9. Jews, Muslims, Hindus Agree On Chicken

"Attendees at the combination summit and potluck dinner labeled it a qualified success, regretting the altercation that broke out between factions with differing views on skewer length."

8. Man Can't Decide Whether To Give Sandwich To Homeless Or Ducks

The eternal dilemma of what to do at a public park with all your uneaten carbs.

7. Chicken Killed

"'It was gruesome,' said Det. Sam Welty, one of the officers who made the find. 'When I first looked at the victim, I could barely tell what it was. The bones were all broken, the head was missing, and one of the thigh bones bore what appeared to be human teeth marks.'"

6. Developmentally Disabled Burger King Employee Only Competent Worker

"Despite his third-grade reading level and IQ of 71, developmentally disabled Burger King employee Andy Ehrman is the only competent member of the 22-person Frontage Road staff.


5. Denny's Introduces 'Just A Humongous Bucket Of Eggs And Meat'

This one is actually almost believable, except that it would be called something like "Ramma-Slamma Breakfast Bucket!"

4. Bacon Good For You, Reports Best Scientist Ever

If this were true, that scientist would most certainly receive, and deserve, a Nobel Prize.

3. Emeril Bams Groupie

Let's just hope this one isn't true. Much funnier without an actual victim.

2. Taco Bell Launches New 'Morning After' Burrito

To be perfectly honest, we're not sure that some of Taco Bell's burritos don't do this anyway.

1. Shaq Misses Entire Second Half With Pulled Pork Sandwich

Do Shaq fat jokes ever get old? Because they certainly don't seem to.

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