The Black Blood of the Earth: 40X Caffeine Coffee

The BBotE portfolio
The BBotE portfolio

Finally, a coffee maker likely to keep a tank of sharks and cackle wickedly from the deck of a yacht outfitted with laser beams. A year and a half ago, Bloomberg shone its bright light on Phil Broughton, a Berkeley radiation specialist who had ingeniously invented a beer stein capable of icing down its contents for days on end. Although Broughton has been selling his mugs at a brisk rate -- $250 a pop -- he has a more recent creation: The Black Blood of the Earth

BBotE, as Broughton prefers to shorten it, is a cold vacuum extraction coffee concentrate with a caffeine content about 40 times higher than that of normal drip coffee. As an added bonus, it comes in these cool jugs Gandalf might tip back. If you have a lot of orcs to slaughter -- and are open to staying awake for 72 hours, having heart palpitations, and perhaps chewing your limbs off -- this might be the potion you require.

In truth, reports BBotE's creator, the substance contains less acid than the standard breakfast brew, and as a result, is easier on stomach linings and tooth enamel. In addition, Broughton's process extracts more oils from the beans, lending sweetness and richness without the cream and sugar often pumped into high-caloric Starbucks creations.

According to the Funranium Labs website, fiends shouldn't have more than 3.5 oz. a day -- and that, we have to assume, is an estimate for a full-grown adult with significant coffee-drinking experience. If you're small, a child, or a tea-drinker, a little goes a long way. Broughton's coffee (along with those steins) is for sale online, though the website lists a few local email addresses for minions who'll hand off orders as well.

According to our contact, the local "pimptress," a shipment comes in this Saturday, which would be tomorrow, July 30th, or on Monday. The prices appear high ($40 for 750 ml and $195 for the 4L "Jug of Madness"), but if you factor how much you'll actually be swilling a day (remember, 3.5 oz. is around 100ml), the cost per serving (if you buy the $40 bottle) comes out to five dollars and change max, and less if you imbibe more responsibly.

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