The 2013 Oscars Drinking Game

Golden Road's canned beer
Golden Road's canned beer
A. Scattergood

The Oscars are on Sunday, and if you plan on sitting through the entire show -- all 3+ hours of it, with Seth MacFarland as host -- well, you might need a little help. Which is why we put together a little drinking game: This, hopefully, will give you something to do while the awards are doled out, agents are thanked (or not) and Russell Crowe sings. For the rules of engagement, grab a carton of Hi-C, your drink of choice and turn the page.

When the show starts, take:

A sip of Hi-C any time someone mispronounces Quvenzhané Wallis's name.

Two sips when her name is pronounced correctly.

Chug the whole carton of juice if she wins the award for Best Actress in a Leading Role.

A sip any time a celebrity tweets that they're headed to In-n-Out after the show.

A sip any time someone claims 2012 was a great year for women in film.

A shot if the film that wins the award for Best Picture passes the Bechdel Test.

A sip any time an Oscar winner mentions Meryl Streep in their acceptance speech.

A sip any time Life of Pi wins an award.

... Two if you read Life of Pi.

... Three if your cat is named Richard Parker.

... A shot if your cat is named Richard Parker and looks like Tommy Lee Jones.

A sip any time someone marvels over Anne Hathaway's performance of "I Dreamed a Dream" in Les Misérables.

... Two if that person is Hathaway.

... Three if you read the unabridged version of Les Misérables.

... A shot and a baguette if Hathaway wins the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress and works "I dreamed a dream" into her acceptance speech.

Three shots and you're done for the night if the winner for any award pulls a Jodie Foster and comes out on stage.

And in related news:

- What to Drink on Oscar Night: 4 Great Drinks for the Academy Awards


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