The Oscars are on Sunday, and if you plan on sitting through the entire show -- all 3+ hours of it, with Seth MacFarland as host -- well, you might need a little help. Which is why we put together a little drinking game: This, hopefully, will give you something to do while the awards are doled out, agents are thanked (or not) and Russell Crowe sings. For the rules of engagement, grab a carton of Hi-C, your drink of choice and turn the page.
When the show starts, take:
A sip of Hi-C any time someone mispronounces Quvenzhané Wallis's name.
Two sips when her name is pronounced correctly.
Chug the whole carton of juice if she wins the award for Best Actress in a Leading Role.
A sip any time a celebrity tweets that they're headed to In-n-Out after the show.
A shot if the film that wins the award for Best Picture passes the Bechdel Test.
A sip any time an Oscar winner mentions Meryl Streep in their acceptance speech.
A sip any time Life of Pi wins an award.
... Two if you read Life of Pi.
... Three if your cat is named Richard Parker.
... A shot if your cat is named Richard Parker and looks like Tommy Lee Jones.
A sip any time someone marvels over Anne Hathaway's performance of "I Dreamed a Dream" in Les Misérables.
... Two if that person is Hathaway.
... Three if you read the unabridged version of Les Misérables.
... A shot and a baguette if Hathaway wins the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress and works "I dreamed a dream" into her acceptance speech.
Three shots and you're done for the night if the winner for any award pulls a Jodie Foster and comes out on stage.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
And in related news:
Want more Squid Ink? Follow us on Twitter or like us on Facebook. And follow the author on Twitter, too.