Is this a cry for help? Very well, it is a cry for help. But Hildebrand Farms Dairy, a small, family-owned operation outside Junction City, Kansas, makes something called Root Beer Milk - imagine a cold glass of the richest, sweetest chocolate milk you have ever had in your life, except flavored with root beer instead of Hershey's syrup - it's like a perfect root beer float without the crunchy, floaty bits. I have a half-gallon of the stuff in a glass bottle on my desk at the moment.
Unfortunately, Hildebrand Farms has a policy of limiting its distribution to stores within an hour's drive of the plant, which pretty much means that unless you happen to be in Council Grove or Abilene, you're pretty much out of luck. And my bottle isn't going to last very long. So what I'm saying is this: milk guys of the greater Los Angeles area - please consider adding root beer milk to your lineup of fine dairy products. I'll be forever grateful.