Do you want an alarm clock that assaults you with a puff of bacon scent? Oscar Mayer has an app for that.
Better known for it's bologna and hot dogs, the "meat" company has introduced its Wake Up & Smell the Bacon device, which transforms your iPhone into a bacon-scented alarm clock, PC Magazine reports The accompanying app is already available for free download, but to get the device that attaches to the bottom of your phone and delivers the scent, you have to apply online. U.S. consumers have until April 4 to fill out the online entry form to become an Official Bacon Beta Tester. (The "value" of the bacon-puffer is $40.)
A total of 4,700 people will be selected to test the device, but Oscar Mayer doesn't say whether it will eventually become commercially available, or if the whole thing is just one giant marketing ploy. (Guess what? According to the official rules, "After you play the Instant Win Game, you will be invited to share the promotion with your friends by sending them an email or Tweeting a link on Twitter.")
To that end, Oscar Mayer has created a really silly online ad aimed squarely at their target audience of bacon- and dumb gadget-loving hipsters, which shows a woman in silhouette staring off at a frying-pan-shaped land formation in the distance beneath the words, "A bacon awakening beyond your wildest imagination."
Switching to a bacon rose superimposed over a smoky background, the ad claims the gadget is "inspired by bacon of the highest caliber" and "sliced with the cleaver of destiny, for your morning's finest aroma."
Then, showing the bacon floating in outer space, the ad promises: "Cured for twelve tender loving hours, our bacon stands the test of time and the depths of space." Next: "Our smoke is born from a blend of natural hardwoods, because angels frown upon liquid smoke." And finally: "The essence of Oscar Mayer bacon will strum at your nostril strings like no other."
Hyperbole. Irony. Drug references. Subliminal band shoutout. We get it. Don Draper would slap you, Oscar Mayer.
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SHOW ME HOW
The ad is accompanied by a similarly hipsterrific video ("At darkest midnight, the nostrils' north star awaits you," a mysterious man with a Dos Equus-esque accent tells a young woman in a fluffy white dress before she floats off into space. Then she is in a garden of bacon roses, then sees a prancing white pig. Oh, it's just a dream! "When imagination blossoms, only this scent will guide you to the greatest awakening. Wake up ... to the morning of your dreams," Man of Mystery says.)
Nice over-the-top try, Oscar M., but we're not going for your chemically bacon perfume wakeup. Call us
reasonable human beings old school, but we'd rather just kick our hipster boyfriend out of bed and send him into the kitchen to get us up with the scent of bacon the old-fashioned way.