Emily Morse and Amy Laurent, two of the three stars of Bravo reality show Miss Advised, are settling in for lunch at Tart, near the Grove. Julia Allison, the local girl and most famous of the trio, is late. "She's fucking her boyfriend," Laurent quips, and Morse smacks her with a giggle. Suddenly Laurent realizes her dress isn't properly fastened. Asking Morse to zip her up, she ad-libs, "No, I'm the one who was fucking my boyfriend."
She's kidding, of course. None of these women have boyfriends. That's the whole reason they were picked for Miss Advised -- a show that chronicles the misadventures of three relationship experts -- in the first place.
Morse is the host of her own radio show, "Sex With Emily," in San Francisco, Laurent is a matchmaker in New York City, and Allison is a freelance dating columnist based in Marina del Rey. All three are hotshots in the field of sex and relationship advice, but they're also single, and -- the horror! -- over 30, which creates an open door for mockery.
In Bravo's trailer for the show, which carries the tagline "Those who can't do advise," Morse, Laurent and Allison are depicted as tragic love goofs. "Oh my God, I'm a shitty dater," the matchmaker complains. Leaping into the arms of a man who looks semi-repulsed, Allison observes, "I tend to be really aggressive, and I can start to reek of desperation a little."
Morse, the group's wild child, comes off as a misguided fille de joie, making out with "queer polyamorous sluts" while musing about her love of threesomes. In the trailer, they're close to a literal clusterfuck. "Where is he? Where's my husband?" Allison pleads at the end.
"When it comes to falling in love, these experts need to practice what they preach," the video's caption reads -- an attitude it's easy to assume the women share about themselves. With a marketing campaign like that, it would make sense if their perpetual manlessness makes them feel like fools.
Yet, even before the salads are served, they're diving into whether traditional marriage is a sham.
"You read Sex at Dawn, right?" Allison asks Morse.
"Yes!" Morse gushes, explaining, "It's this amazing book that talks about monogamy, and maybe that it's not a very natural choice."
"It's changing my perspective," Allison says.
Allison was the self-proclaimed Rules girl, known for having a 73-point checklist for her phantom husband. She still has that list, but it's no longer such a credo. "I added some by the end of the show," she says. "I added some and I eliminated some. I went through a metamorphosis through the course of the show and decided some of what was on the list was negotiable.
"I added No. 79: Create a satisfying, experimental, open sex life."
"I like it!" Morse pipes up.
"And there's an exclamation mark," Allison adds.
"Good, honey, that's good!" Morse says, beaming.
"After eight weeks," Laurent interjects. That's her rule for how long one should wait before sleeping with a suitor.Up next: Who should decide when sex should happen?