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Why Disney Characters Make Us Horny While Disney Movies Do Not

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Tue, Feb 14, 2012 at 1:20 PM

click to enlarge Disney_Beauty_and_the_Beast.jpg
Women clearly have an ambivalent relationship with Disney characters. In question 12 of our sex survey, UCLA vs. USC: Who's Sluttier?, we asked about the worst date movies, and Disney films were named again and again by our female respondents: The Little Mermaid, The Princess and the Frog and "anything Disney" were frequent answers.

But when it came to our next, more imaginative question -- "Which innocent childhood fantasies could best morph into adult sexual fantasies?" -- the gloves were off and the ids were exposed. Girls wrote answers like Gaston, Aladdin, Disney's Robin Hood (also, curiously, a favorite of Furries) and "Cinderella cleaning the floor."

Why the contradiction?

Disney, of course, is synonymous with squeaky-clean, wholesome family entertainment -- which is the last thing you want on a date. Sitting down to watch The Princess and the Frog might imply some unappealing things about your date -- her tastes are childish, perhaps, or she is mired in princess/rescue fantasies to an unhealthy degree, or never wants to leave her parents' house. But taking childlike and innocent ideas and using your imagination to twist them into something filthy -- now that's hot.

In the movies, bare-midriffed Princess Jasmine, stacked Pocahontas or any of the other Disney princesses never get past first base, and pushy, aggressive Gaston or chisel-chested Aladdin don't fare much better -- those poor unfortunate souls. But move these characters off the screen and into your imagination, and they're free to travel well outside of the boundaries of the G-rated behavior. What makes this so fun is the same principle behind a phenomenon known as Ginger/Mary Ann syndrome.

In the ancient Druid land known as Gilligan's Island, there dwelt two maidens: Ginger, a sultry, Monroe-esque redhead partial to heavy eyeliner and plunging necklines, and Mary Ann, a wide-eyed, girl-next-door type in gingham and cutoffs. In survey after survey, when asked which of these girls they'd most like to get it on with, innocent Mary Ann consistently beats sexpot Ginger in polls. Why? Because it's more fun to defile something pure than it is to try to corrupt an already conquered land. Where's the challenge in that?

The imaginations of our survey respondents, of course, weren't limited only to the Magic Kingdom. Batman was a popular choice, as was perennial favorite Sailor Moon, and Superman and Wonder Woman made an unsurprising appearance. But things got kinkier when My Little Pony, the Incredible Hulk and the McDonald's Hamburglar joined the party. Robble robble?

The moral of the story: If you're trying to impress a girl, don't take her to a Disney movie on a date, but don't rule out a little game of "Aladdin Rescues Princess Jasmine From the Dungeon and Then Asks Her to Show Her Gratitude," either.

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