The Deepwater Horizon oil platform went up in smoke last month, causing what could be the nation's largest oil spill.
The Deepwater Horizon oil platform went up in smoke last month, causing what could be the nation's largest oil spill.

Why Californians Should Be Called In To Stop Gulf Oil Spill

It's sad watching British Petroleum struggle to stop the month-long Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico as the Obama administration stands by, arms akimbo. BP has proposed some out-of-sight solutions, including plugging the underwater well's leaks with mud and cement. They shouldn't send Brits or Texans, however, to do a Californian's job. Here are five reasons Californians should be tapped to stop this crazy thing:

-Since Lindsay Lohan is no longer allowed to drink, the leaks could be plugged with her collection of half-used champagne magnums, vodka bottles and margarita salt.

-The state legislature could fill those holes with red ink till the cows come home.

-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger would stand over the leaky, deep-water well and call it emasculating names like "girly man," and "liberal," forcing it to quiver and succumb to his muscle-bound wishes.

-Mexican-Americans from East L.A., known for their ingenious, unorthodox fixes when it comes to car repair, would have the leaks plugged up in no time using just duct tape, WD-40 and Bungee Cords.

-Two words: Ron Jeremy.

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