Living in L.A. should be gift enough, right? On good days, it certainly is. But on the days you pop your tire on a pothole or pay $357 to ride across town or, you know, pay your astronomically high rent, you start to make a list of things you wish this city had.
If Santa or the universe or some sort of higher power is listening, here are the things we'd really like Los Angeles to receive this Christmas. We've all been really good this year, haven't we? We deserve it.
25. An earthquake warning system so that we can all stop freaking the fuck out about when the Big One is going to hit.
24. The fast food chains our out-of-state friends rave about: Dunkin' Donuts, White Castle and Waffle House.
23. Free WiFi for the whole city.
22. A trolley loop downtown. Or a monorail. Or a mini hyperloop! OK, just a trolley would be fine.
21. A football team. (Though we admit, that's debatable.)
20. Some better Lakers. Sorry, guys.
19. Snow in Griffith Park so we can build snowmen and make snow angels and have snowball fights. Maybe just on Christmas Day; then it can go away again.
18. No more smog warnings, ever.
Turn the page to see what we wish every night around 2 a.m.
17. Bars that stay open until 4 a.m.
16. Street cleaning that doesn't start until at least 10 a.m. Moving your car at the crack of dawn is such. a. nightmare.
15. A major housing-market crash. (Sorry, homeowners, but the rest of us want the American dream, too!)
14. A Disneyland fast-pass for all SoCal residents, so no local ever has to stand in the 90-minute Space Mountain line.
13. Delicious pizza sold by the slice at nearly every street corner. Yes, we admit, we envy this about New York.
12. That, and decent bagels.
11. While we're at it, how about falafel carts? We feast on bacon-wrapped hot dogs and burritos, but why is it so hard to get a decent falafel or shawarma on the street outside a bar?
10. No-rules parking for the first 10 minutes. If you're just running in someplace for one measly moment, you should be immune to tickets.
9. A train to LAX that actually goes to LAX.
And speaking of which...
8. A flyover that goes straight from the 405/10 interchange to the 405/101 interchange, as well as one downtown along the 110 between the 10 and the 5, so you can skip all that horrible traffic.
7. Or, please just fix the 405. PLEASE JUST FIX THE 405.
6. A public transportation system that's actually useful to most of the population.
4. More events at the beautiful, near-abandoned old theaters on Broadway downtown.
3. Music festivals held on real grass, rather than dusty piles of sand.
2. Rain. True, we have no idea how to drive, let alone step out of the house, in the rain, but it would do our water supply some good and help us get out of this drought.
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And the No. 1 thing we wish for?
1. Legalized recreational marijuana. It's time to stop lying to ourselves, L.A.
Whatever you want for Christmas, we hope you get it. Happy holidays!