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VIDEO: White Rapper in Prius Complains About West L.A. 'Whole Foods Parking Lot'

David Wittman, aka DJDave
David Wittman, aka DJDave
YouTube

Something about this video -- an endless loop around the Whole Foods parking lot, as nerdily narrated by white rapper "DJDave" from the driver's seat of his Prius -- seems oddly familiar. Oh yeah! That's because we've spent half our lives on an endless loop around the Whole Foods parking lot, just so we can pay upward of $10 for some overcooked veggies and (bomb-ass) mac 'n' cheese. And kombucha, when we're feeling especially L.A.-hole. [See also: The Squid Ink edition.]

"It's getting REAL in the Whole Foods parking lot"...

... he rage-raps. "You know the DEAL with the little shopping carts they got/ Check out what I say, it happens every day/ It's how we LIVE on the west side of LA!"

As much as we want to diss this bro all the way back to his Santa Monica townhouse, in the end, his message is just so damn relatable. Only good, hi-def yuppy rap could really express that "hard out here on the streets" feeling we get deep down in our elbows while waiting in a line of cars for some granny to back out, or the murderous rage that almost turns a passive-aggressive carhorn to a full-on gas pedal.

Shout-out to Whole Foods Venice, at Lincoln and Rose!:

Ryan Seacrest, ever the over-saturated entertainer we count on him to be, has posted the lyrics in full on his Kardashian-centric blog. So we better do the same:

Intro (spoken)

Yo man...

Yo I know you see me here dude!!

I've been waiting here like 10 minutes, man!

No, no no... this is MY parking space man.

What you need to do is put your little hybrid in reverse,

And go out the way you came in.

WHAT?!?!

Yo its about to get REAL in the Whole Foods parking lot man...

Chorus (with feeling)

It's getting' REAL in the Whole Foods Parking Lot

I got my STEEL and you know it gets sparked a lot

Im on my grind homie... It's on my mind homie!

These fools with clip boards are lookin' at me like they know me!

It's getting' REAL in the Whole Foods Parking Lot

You know the DEAL with the little shopping carts they got...

Check out what I say, it happens every day...

It's how we LIVE on the west side of LA!!

Verse 1

... Im ridin' slow in my Prius...

all leather, tinted windows... you cant see us!!

Everybody's trying to park, you can feel the tension

I'm in electric mode... can't even hear the engine (Shhhhhhh)

Just then I saw a spot open up,

My timings perfect... Im creepin' up...

But then this other dude tried to steal it going the wrong way

Yo man, I've had a LONG DAY!

Chorus

(same as before)

Verse 2

Now I'm on this inside, looking at my list

Organic chicken, Kale Salad and a Lemon Twist.

Some girl in yoga pants is lookin at me funny

I'm just trying to find a decent Pinot Noir for under twenty!

Then I take it to the cheese counter, Humboldt Fog?

We just ran out sir! Really Dog?

Take it easy man, I try to calm myself...

I've been on edge ever since they took Kombucha off the shelf...

Chorus

(same as before)

Verse 3

This Busters on his iPhone talking to his friends,

Picking up some cayenne pepper for his master cleanse.

You're the most annoying dude I've ever SEEN brah...

Could you PLEASE move? You're RIGHT in front of the Quinoa.

Damn, I'm about to check out.

Pay my 80 bucks for 6 things and get the heck out.

The express lane is moving hella slow...

Man, these fools don't know... that shit is getting REAL....

Chorus

In case you somehow haven't had enough of the Whole Foods parking lot -- or the video tribute -- you can download it in mp3, ringtone, instrumental and a capella form at Dave's website, fogandsmog.com. Jesus. That's almost enough to drive us to Trader Joe's.

[@simone_electra/swilson@laweekly.com]


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