Maxim Magazine has released the February issue of brain-melt for men, the cover of which showcases a beautifully airbrushed Olivia Munn in transparent lacy boyshort undies and a baggy top.
If you ask me, this cover warrants a giant high 5 to Maxim because, a) I love the underwear and I wanna find out where to buy a pair or three; and b) robin's egg blue and goldenrod yellow are the colors of my alma mater. Word up, Ithaca.
But I digress again. Let's rewind. Reeeeeeewaiodnalkdsngaiofngkdlgmslkwind. OK.
As you can sorta kinda see in the above photo, Munn's nether regions feature a drop shadow that make it more apparent than not that there is a vagina in between those shapely thighs. And there are a lot of people offended and upset about this, as it might (GASP!) be too real. No Barbie-like Photoshop castration for this issue of Maxim, that's for sure.
And sure, fine; a magazine that often sits alongside OK! and Glamour at eye level in supermarket checkout lines gets more side-eyed views by bored kids and housewives than, say, the little 25-cent horoscope pamphlets near the gum and breath mints.
Lets see what the VP of Business & Culture at the Media Research Center had to say to FOX News entertainment blog FOX411:
"It's disgusting," Dan Gainor sad. "Maxim has moved their magazine from tawdry to full-on pornography."
Wait a sec. Disgusting? He's appalled by the shadowed depiction of a body part that certain cultures of the world -- and most 14-60 straight American dudes -- worship as the key to life, joy and cream pies?
Every spring, two villages in Japan host penis and vagina festivals in honor of the organs. In Komaki City, host to one of Japan's most well known erection events, giant phalluses line streets, protrude from temples, and attract men and women who bow and bask in the power of the penis.
And at the Hime-no-miya grand vagina festival in Gakuden, the vagina is held in high regard as sacred and worship-worthy. GlobalPost.com reporter Jonathan Adams tells us that families celebrate together wearing the Japanese equivalent to their Sunday best.
And the best part? The kids participate. A small vagina relic is carried by a group of children to the same shrine that later hosts a giant vagina sculpture lugged by 40 grown men.
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Man and lady parts are incorporated in everyday culture for these Japanese youth. No earmuffs, blindfolds or tense moms and dads here.
Unfortunately American culture is on a different cloud and attracts a much different kind of attention. The vag either is shunned as offensive and concealed or exploited for its ability to stretch and be filled with all kinds of cylindrical objects. (Not all of them human.) There's rarely any middle ground for public consumption.
And as my homeboy (someday) at TheSuperficial.com points out, nothing makes a kid want to pay more attention to the topic at hand than seeing his or her parent freak out at the cash register.
So yeah, good plan. Let's make a huge deal out of Olivia Munn's mound and make sure we never see anything remotely representing a vagina in public again. Cuz that's, like, totally gross.