Top Five Slutoween Costumes
Earlier this week, we discussed why you should slut it up for Halloween. It is every woman's God-given right, we said in not so many words, to take her clothes off once a year at the end of October and wander the streets wearing little more than her thong.
Now, we'd like to take it a step further and help you decide what your Slutoween costume is going to be this year (for the record, we say "Slutoween" with nothing but love). It might take some doing to wrassle one of these together - it is, after all, Halloween today - but nevertheless, here are the top five:
It's not clear exactly how referees went from being middle-aged men in ill-fitting pantsuits to being college girls in hotshorts and tops unzipped to their navels. But they did. The referee is one of the most popular Slutoween costumes - coming in a variety of options from the onesie to the miniskirt to the booty-short-and-spandex-shirt combo - for reasons that continue to elude us.
UCLA Bruins Women's Basketball vs. Michigan Womens Basketball
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Anaheim Ducks v. Ottawa Senators
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2. The Fairy
The fairy's popularity as a slutty Halloween costume has a fairly simple explanation: wings. See, wings make you feel like you're wearing clothing even when you aren't. That means that the fairy costume is a good choice for girls who are a little conflicted about dressing provocatively on Halloween, which probably accounts for 50% of revelers. Slap some wings on your back and suddenly it's like you have on pants.
3. The Cowgirl
Real cowgirls wear Wranglers, boots, button-down shirts and hats. Most of their skin is covered during most of the year. But on Halloween, cowgirls turn into people who wear red bandanas across their breasts and Daisy Dukes out of which their asscheeks hang. Halloween cowgirls are not equipped to wrangle cows. They do look pretty on the ranch, though.
4. The Cat
A Halloween classic, the cat has been reimagned by ladies across the country as the sluttiest animal out there. Gone are the innocent, grade school days of felines with long sleeves and ballet flats. Cats, instead, wear thong leotards and fishnets and have toned midriffs. They also toddle about on black stripper shoes.
5. Just Underwear
Here's to the girls who aren't even pretending to wear costumes. For every cowgirl, cat and referee out there, there's at least one lady who said "fuck it" to the façade of a character and just fucking put on her underwear and left the house. These are the gals who really embrace the spirit of Slutoween - taking your clothes off for taking your clothes off's sake.
We salute you.
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