Time was, police, criminals and the media all got together and came up with some great nicknames for killers, robbers and gangsters. They were evocative and descriptive, catchy and rhythmic. Sometimes elaborate, sometimes simple and elegant. So Joseph Bonanno is "Joey Bananas" and Michael DiLeonardo is "Mikey Scars." Then there's "Pretty Boy" Floyd, "Son of Sam" and "the Zodiac killer." LA Weekly can take credit for the clever and horrifying nickname, "the Grim Sleeper."
But laziness seems to have crept in, and there's a crisis of shoddy nicknames.
Our worst criminal nicknames:
5. "Eminem Bandit." He wore a hoodie. Other than that, he was middle-aged and didn't listen to hip-hop. "Hoodie Bandit" is cooler sounding, more descriptive, and doesn't unfairly tarnish Slim Shady.
4. "Button-down-shirt Bandit." Really, you're not even trying with this one.
3. "Sneezing Sex Bandit." This one, at least based on this news item, is a little inscrutable.
The Commerce Police Department has taken an elderly Hopkins County man into custody and are preparing to charge him with aggravated assault, after he allegedly attacked a female store clerk by blowing a powdery substance in her face in an attempt to become aroused.
Details in the Herald-Banner.
He was trying to arouse himself by blowing a powdery substance in the woman's face? What? Unfortunately, we have to buy the print edition of the Herald-Banner, wherever the hell that is, to learn more. Not a good way to build Web traffic, Herald-Banner.
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2. "Balding Bandit." This is both lazy and untrue. The guy has a pretty good head of hair.
1. "Bubble Wrap Bandit." Get this: In at least one of this guy's bank robberies, he had an envelope lined with bubble wrap. That's how they came up with this. In other words, it has no real connection connection to the crime or the criminal. His comeuppance will be interminable ribbing from family, friends, and, likely, fellow inmates. Please, don't hurt anyone Bubble Wrap Bandit!