To Have Unattached Sex or Not to Bang Random Dudes? That's the Study.
I probably wasn't the only one taught at a young age that having sex before marriage would cause a variety of life-changing altercations: Getting some kind of disgusting incurable disease was a definite so don't even THINK about going bareback. You'd probably also encounter some kind of pregnancy scare every month, possibly even one resulting in one of those "tough decisions" you hear about on Lifetime.
But most noted was if I fucked around as a teenager, I would head down a path worthy of the druggies, emos and goths I avoided in the cafeteria but secretly hung out with in the parking lot. (Who else was I supposed to gush to about the latest "Buffy" episode while smoking pot for the first time?)
The ramblings of our 65-year-old sex ed teacher didn't faze my outlook on sex. I just happened to not have it in high school. (Believe it or not.) I was quite crafty with masturbation and learned a LOT about my vulva and everything inside so when I did decide to allow someone's cock (it was huge) to grace my lady parts, I knew exactly what I wanted.
But I digress, as usual.
CSUN Mens Soccer
TicketsFri., Aug. 25, 7:00pm
Premium Seating: Los Angeles Angels v. Houston Astros
TicketsFri., Aug. 25, 7:07pm
Los Angeles Angels vs. Houston Astros
TicketsFri., Aug. 25, 7:07pm
Los Angeles Rams vs. Los Angeles Chargers
TicketsSat., Aug. 26, 5:00pm
Premium Seating: Los Angeles Angels v. Oakland Athletics
TicketsMon., Aug. 28, 7:07pm
My point is that these teachings did make several schoolmates weary, most of which were the smart-girl jocks who excelled on the field hockey and lacrosse teams on which I also played, just less excellently. They all eventually had sex with the senior football players they dated throughout frosh and sophomore years, yet miraculously they all sat on the top 10 list at graduation.
There have been studies done analyzing the effects of sexually risky behavior on adolescent behavior. Some conclude that at-risk sex-having kids are more likely to engage in criminal activity (in between BJs), and others show a significant difference in their report card grades compared to those of the kids who wear promise rings for their parents. And abide by them.
Of course there's always the question, "Is Suzy-Gene Valedictorian being honest when she says she's not doing the horizontal nasty with Biff the quarterback?" Honesty will forever be the unknown variable in all sex research, from Kinsey to Kelly's senior thesis sociology study, especially when adults are asking kids what they do when the doors are closed and The Roots are on.
But a study conducted by two sociologists, Bill McCarthy from UC Davis and Eric Grodsky from the University of Minnesota, found a correlation between good grades/academic behavior and romantic relationships.
"Sex and School: Adolescent Sexual Intercourse and Education" used nine different factors, including high school GPA, college aspiration and number of unexcused absences, to measure positive or negative education influence.
And what did they find?
"Collectively, our results find that the detrimental outcomes commonly attributed to adolescent sexual intercourse occur mostly in non-romantic contexts," the sociologists wrote. "These findings raise doubts about the veracity of sexual education programs that link adolescent sex to a plethora of negative outcomes."
Apparently the virgins and those getting banged by their long-term boyfriends/girlfriends statistically showed similar academic behavioral patterns.
Which then made me wonder.
Back when I was whittling away at my bedpost, I maintained several unconnected and sometimes random sexual relationships. They often were one-, two- or three-timers (with a few exceptions) and left nothing to offer more than an occasional orgasm. (I don't come fast or easy, in more ways than one.)
I don't remember feeling all that unhappy during that time, and I wasn't necessarily getting "bad grades" at the office. But back in March of this soon-to-be-ending year I noticed a drastic change in the way I wanted to fuck people. I was tired of doing it the slutty way.
It wasn't a sudden moral uprising, and I didn't change my mind in order to appear more desirable to potential suitors (as a friend suspected). I just didn't feel like giving my physical all to a dude who probably couldn't reciprocate. They just didn't deserve it.
So 2010 resulted in significantly less sex than 2009, but the sex I've had has been so much better. And when folks from the provocative past have gotten in touch to "check in" and see how I am (which translates to, "Is your vagina available for 20 minutes?") I've simply ignored them.
It's one thing to delete texts from the dude you fucked three times in two days during a Vegas trade show. The one who stuck his thumb in your butt without lube or warning. He was, and remains, blacklisted. But not responding to the dude who's probably still emotionally stunted but definitely capable of providing some of the best sex you've ever had? It's against nature.
And though I wonder if I'm missing any more trysts in famous people's basements or ecstasy-fueled make-out sessions, I mostly notice how different my state of mind is as a result of less emotionally unattached insertion of penis into vagina. (Amazing how unsexy I can make that sound, isn't it?)
This year, I fucked one guy monogamously for three months over the summer. I might also have had a bit of a fling with an unavailable man with whom I was infatuated (in response to his obsession with me) for a few months. And I continue to get railed incessantly - with constant pussy-eating - by my plumber, whom I've known for almost 10 years. But other than that, I don't think there's any more men to add to 2010's fucked-by list.
This year's sex has been more emotionally connected than most of the sex I've had in my life and interestingly enough I've found my emotional state, and success of the business I've done, to be the healthiest and most successful I can remember.
Granted this might be a result of age and experience, I like to think I'm simply an extension of the high school studies I used to reference in term papers in college. At least I know my answers to the sex questions are 100-percent honest.
Read more about the scientific analysis at our sister site (the hot one) over in Houston and see what you think kids these days should do!
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Los Angeles, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.